11-25-12-5
Ok so yeah.... i haven't updated in a while.... so uh, i think ive benn kind of avoiding it..... i know i need to so i can look bak and remember..... does anybody else see that me and kyle r drifting apart..... i know we are but i try not to think about it... i have faith we'll get bak on track... im almost convinced that he cares.. i just have some barriers...and so uhh yeah....
so not alot has been going on the past few days....i bought some pants and glasses and skool crap....those of u who don't know me well think i blew my money and cuddve spent it on stuff less expensive, but those of u who know me well know that its hard for me to get money so i need to indulge once in a while...most of my mmoney goes to the bills neway.... im fuckin 17 i shuudnt have to deal with that shit! any way nick bought some stuff for me..... im really thinkin about cuttin contact off from him.... he says he loves me... he cares about me... but he did sumthing to me earlier and this time it pushed me over the edge...i broke down... please... if neone knows wuts going on dont say anything... please... ok... so.... also... insult... craig...that asshole... wen i was with him... he wanted sex.... we broke up cuz he didnt want anything serious and he was so unemotional... he cares only for 5 things in life - food, sex, weed, skateboarding and guitar...yeah...so now wen i talk to him... he plays hard to get and messes with my head.... he wants me to beg for him..... bullshit.... i will chalk him up on my score board sooner or later..grrr... i dont need to waste my time with a douchebag like him...... but i keep thinkin....9 and clean... 9 and clean... wutever...
so uh... these last 3 weeks went by so fast..... i got my bridge pierced and i look forward to scarin little freshmen...i hate my schedual and want mr. branco mrs ryan and mr brennan to get fucked up the ass by a giant rhino... wut else... oh yeah... everyone knows by now that kyle has a g/f....im so happy for him.... hes the brother i never had...im tryna look out fer him... i cant wait to meet alex... i have very high standards for her... i want her to b perfect cuz he only deserves the very best....speak of the devil..... by popular demand, i have decided to quit smoking... it'll take some work.... but kyle seems sincere so i will try my hardest not to let him down... hoobastank-the reason ....... my reason is kyle.....
its funni how people who dont really need jobs.... cwant and attain them....but people who need jobs work their ass off and get shit.....
so yes.... i will forever remember 9:15 pm on august 29.....all was dark and stay with me by finch was playin. it was then i realized that i need to stop lying to myself......by the time ender came on i was in tears....did he tell me it was a good song mindlessly cuz it is a good song.... or did he want me to pay special attention to the lyrix??? lying.... ive been doin it for the past 5 years.... actually... i even did a journal entry about it.... quite wonderful really... very touching... heartfelt.... then i talked it over with i'll just call it sam... and i realized i shud keep it to myself.... i need to continue lying and hiding everything for the next five years and the next after that... i need to take it to the grave with me... 9:15 was a beautiful moment..... i realized wut it felt like.... even if i have to hide it to others.... i cant hide it to myself.... its bitter sweet....i know its real.... but it'll only cause pain...
so ah hem.... poems coming soon.... i need more time to clear them up... so many thought bouncing around in my head at once.... wut else...????? nuffink.... skool is tomorrow.... damn....well this was the best summer ive ever had...
~the antelope~
so not alot has been going on the past few days....i bought some pants and glasses and skool crap....those of u who don't know me well think i blew my money and cuddve spent it on stuff less expensive, but those of u who know me well know that its hard for me to get money so i need to indulge once in a while...most of my mmoney goes to the bills neway.... im fuckin 17 i shuudnt have to deal with that shit! any way nick bought some stuff for me..... im really thinkin about cuttin contact off from him.... he says he loves me... he cares about me... but he did sumthing to me earlier and this time it pushed me over the edge...i broke down... please... if neone knows wuts going on dont say anything... please... ok... so.... also... insult... craig...that asshole... wen i was with him... he wanted sex.... we broke up cuz he didnt want anything serious and he was so unemotional... he cares only for 5 things in life - food, sex, weed, skateboarding and guitar...yeah...so now wen i talk to him... he plays hard to get and messes with my head.... he wants me to beg for him..... bullshit.... i will chalk him up on my score board sooner or later..grrr... i dont need to waste my time with a douchebag like him...... but i keep thinkin....9 and clean... 9 and clean... wutever...
so uh... these last 3 weeks went by so fast..... i got my bridge pierced and i look forward to scarin little freshmen...i hate my schedual and want mr. branco mrs ryan and mr brennan to get fucked up the ass by a giant rhino... wut else... oh yeah... everyone knows by now that kyle has a g/f....im so happy for him.... hes the brother i never had...im tryna look out fer him... i cant wait to meet alex... i have very high standards for her... i want her to b perfect cuz he only deserves the very best....speak of the devil..... by popular demand, i have decided to quit smoking... it'll take some work.... but kyle seems sincere so i will try my hardest not to let him down... hoobastank-the reason ....... my reason is kyle.....
its funni how people who dont really need jobs.... cwant and attain them....but people who need jobs work their ass off and get shit.....
so yes.... i will forever remember 9:15 pm on august 29.....all was dark and stay with me by finch was playin. it was then i realized that i need to stop lying to myself......by the time ender came on i was in tears....did he tell me it was a good song mindlessly cuz it is a good song.... or did he want me to pay special attention to the lyrix??? lying.... ive been doin it for the past 5 years.... actually... i even did a journal entry about it.... quite wonderful really... very touching... heartfelt.... then i talked it over with i'll just call it sam... and i realized i shud keep it to myself.... i need to continue lying and hiding everything for the next five years and the next after that... i need to take it to the grave with me... 9:15 was a beautiful moment..... i realized wut it felt like.... even if i have to hide it to others.... i cant hide it to myself.... its bitter sweet....i know its real.... but it'll only cause pain...
so ah hem.... poems coming soon.... i need more time to clear them up... so many thought bouncing around in my head at once.... wut else...????? nuffink.... skool is tomorrow.... damn....well this was the best summer ive ever had...
~the antelope~