(no subject)
the past few days have been pretty hazy for myself. ive only been home for a week and it seems like i never left the only thing that changed were the apartments of my friends and the feeling of having a purpose. i stayed up all night talking the night we came home and slept in a bed for the first time in a week or two it was a nice change but it felt different going back to my apartment sleeping in my own bed. i dont like it anymore. i prefer the floor or couches or somewhere outside, when i sleep in my bed i wake up with a hurt back. plus when im sleeping somewhere out of the ordinary i always wake up with that thought in my mind of where am i and instead of the usual "oh im home" the mystery is dragged out for an extra thirty seconds or so while i find my bearings. i drove out of orlando one night looking for a purpose, as soon as i got to the beach in clearwater a cop stopped me telling me the beach was closed. so i drove for another twenty minutes to another beach and laid on my back and thought to myself "why am i here" not like why am i on earth i mean like what the hell am i doing here why did i drive two or more hours to this. but i sat on the beach and smoked i started to sleep but i woke up with a flashlight in my face that of which belonged to another law man. i walked back to the car and slept in the backseat, i woke a few hours later covered in sweat and the sun was terribly bright my contacts were foggy but i walked back to the beach with my hands covering my eyes i took of my shirt and put my keys and phone in the shirt and stood in the water for a while then i fell backwards. since i wear contacts i cant ever open my eyes while underwater so everytime i go under all i hear is the muffled hiss of the ocean. i drove around with my shirt off for a while and looked for a movie theater so i could see a few movies but it was still only 9:30 so i drove downtown and ended up passing an aquarium so i said why not? fish are great. i just lost my motivation to finish this