AUGUST EXPERIMENT
Today is the first day of August. My husband and I had a talk last night about our level of Jewish observance. I'd been gone all weekend, and we were catching up with each other. September 1st, we have an appointment with the Orthodox Bet Din to declare my intention (and his complete support and participation) to convert to Judaism.
I converted to Judaism, under the auspices of the Conservative movement nearly four years ago, and two weeks before I met my husband. I did it on my own, with the full intention of continuing to learn and study my new found religion. This attitude, I believe, is part of what lead me to the idea, or possiblity of Orthodoxy. It's taken some time to get here. Both of us have been influenced by meeting people along the way, but we're honestly not 100% convinced that this is the right thing. We both have some problems with orthodoxy, and I especially have conflicts regarding the strict gender roles and what I currently see as the cult of tzinut, or modesty. To be fair, modesty in dress applies to men as well as women, according to orthodox theology and practice. It's not as if men have it any easier than women. Kippot, tzitzit, long pants...it's rare to see an orthodox man wearing a T-shirt, shorts and a baseball cap!
In spite of our ambivalence, we both believe there is some value in my completing an orthodox conversion. I don't know if it will mean that in 10 years we'll have 8 children in day schools, we'll have given away our TV and I'll have a collection of sheiltach...or maybe we'll belong to the Reform, gay friendly shul up the street. So. We are going forward. And our talk of last night brought us to this conclusion.
In an effort to be completely truthful with the Bet Din, we will be "acting as if" this month. Meaning, no treif restaurants (I had sushi at a decidedly not kosher restaurant this weekend. But I didn't eat any shellfish!), more shiruim (classes), he goes off to minyan in the a.m., I daven twice a day and say tehillim on Sundays with a women's group, etc...
The restaurant thing is the toughest for us, which is somewhat lame. We live in a city with about 80 kosher restaurants, including more than one damn fine sushi bar. But we have many gentile friends, and stating that we have to go to this narrow field of places...well, it's a kind of boundary. And then people beging to expect it of you, and it becomes more real. Which is scary.
We'll see how it goes. I intend to keep a journal here, about this month, about keeping as many mitvot as I can. I believe my biggest fear is losing a sense of self, and feeling trapped by the proscription of my daily life. Perhaps there is some kind of freedom within it?
I converted to Judaism, under the auspices of the Conservative movement nearly four years ago, and two weeks before I met my husband. I did it on my own, with the full intention of continuing to learn and study my new found religion. This attitude, I believe, is part of what lead me to the idea, or possiblity of Orthodoxy. It's taken some time to get here. Both of us have been influenced by meeting people along the way, but we're honestly not 100% convinced that this is the right thing. We both have some problems with orthodoxy, and I especially have conflicts regarding the strict gender roles and what I currently see as the cult of tzinut, or modesty. To be fair, modesty in dress applies to men as well as women, according to orthodox theology and practice. It's not as if men have it any easier than women. Kippot, tzitzit, long pants...it's rare to see an orthodox man wearing a T-shirt, shorts and a baseball cap!
In spite of our ambivalence, we both believe there is some value in my completing an orthodox conversion. I don't know if it will mean that in 10 years we'll have 8 children in day schools, we'll have given away our TV and I'll have a collection of sheiltach...or maybe we'll belong to the Reform, gay friendly shul up the street. So. We are going forward. And our talk of last night brought us to this conclusion.
In an effort to be completely truthful with the Bet Din, we will be "acting as if" this month. Meaning, no treif restaurants (I had sushi at a decidedly not kosher restaurant this weekend. But I didn't eat any shellfish!), more shiruim (classes), he goes off to minyan in the a.m., I daven twice a day and say tehillim on Sundays with a women's group, etc...
The restaurant thing is the toughest for us, which is somewhat lame. We live in a city with about 80 kosher restaurants, including more than one damn fine sushi bar. But we have many gentile friends, and stating that we have to go to this narrow field of places...well, it's a kind of boundary. And then people beging to expect it of you, and it becomes more real. Which is scary.
We'll see how it goes. I intend to keep a journal here, about this month, about keeping as many mitvot as I can. I believe my biggest fear is losing a sense of self, and feeling trapped by the proscription of my daily life. Perhaps there is some kind of freedom within it?