(no subject)
Haven't had it in me to write anything about my travels. (Well, I did write something and didn't like it so I deleted it.) This past month has been stressful and depressing so I don't feel like chronicling much of anything. Really the worst of it has been this week.
What it comes down to is that I need to get out of here and every step I've taken to do so has been met with some kind of problem. I've done all I can to be proactive and deal with whatever problem arises without bothering (i.e. talking to) anyone else about any of it, and for the most part I've just been a bit frustrated and avoided getting too down about anything. The only person I've confided my frustrations to is Colin, and he seems to think I've done my best and any complaint I've voiced is understandable. So I feel pretty ok about how I've dealt. I'm sure he'd tell me if I were being an idiot or over-dramatic or whatever. Thank God for Colin.
Right now my whole problem lies with the stupidity of one woman, and that woman isn't me. It being Saturday, there's nothing I can do about this latest problem for two more days. Two days of little sleep and probably lots of grouch. Doesn't help that my mother can't speak to me without putting me down. I need no further reminder of what a loser I am and to what degree, but Mom seems to think otherwise, so I'm going to stay holed up in my room, for the good of everyone in the house. I don't have it in me, in my frustrated and sleep-deprived state, to shrug off or be civil through another unsubtle passive-aggressive assault. I've talked to Mom before about how she speaks to me and she doesn't think she says anything amiss. I talked to my brother about it and he says it's not just me, he's noticed it too. She still has no clue that she's being passive-aggressive and has the idea that if she is, then she's perfectly justified in being so and therefore has no reason to change or apologize for it. She's always been a little bit like that but it's been worse since she hit her 40s. Ah, mid-life. Fun for everyone.
What it comes down to is that I need to get out of here and every step I've taken to do so has been met with some kind of problem. I've done all I can to be proactive and deal with whatever problem arises without bothering (i.e. talking to) anyone else about any of it, and for the most part I've just been a bit frustrated and avoided getting too down about anything. The only person I've confided my frustrations to is Colin, and he seems to think I've done my best and any complaint I've voiced is understandable. So I feel pretty ok about how I've dealt. I'm sure he'd tell me if I were being an idiot or over-dramatic or whatever. Thank God for Colin.
Right now my whole problem lies with the stupidity of one woman, and that woman isn't me. It being Saturday, there's nothing I can do about this latest problem for two more days. Two days of little sleep and probably lots of grouch. Doesn't help that my mother can't speak to me without putting me down. I need no further reminder of what a loser I am and to what degree, but Mom seems to think otherwise, so I'm going to stay holed up in my room, for the good of everyone in the house. I don't have it in me, in my frustrated and sleep-deprived state, to shrug off or be civil through another unsubtle passive-aggressive assault. I've talked to Mom before about how she speaks to me and she doesn't think she says anything amiss. I talked to my brother about it and he says it's not just me, he's noticed it too. She still has no clue that she's being passive-aggressive and has the idea that if she is, then she's perfectly justified in being so and therefore has no reason to change or apologize for it. She's always been a little bit like that but it's been worse since she hit her 40s. Ah, mid-life. Fun for everyone.