Here I go again
Lovely sunshine again today.
*basks*
It was pretty warm when I went for a run this morning (4 miles - w00t!) and if P had been around to take the kids to school, I think I would have preferred going a couple of hours earlier. Still, I felt good and there was no misbehaviour from the hamstring.
The only thing that marred my run was the behaviour of 2 ( Read more... )
*basks*
It was pretty warm when I went for a run this morning (4 miles - w00t!) and if P had been around to take the kids to school, I think I would have preferred going a couple of hours earlier. Still, I felt good and there was no misbehaviour from the hamstring.
The only thing that marred my run was the behaviour of 2 ( Read more... )
However, when I was waiting alone outside of a dark train station in a dodgy area and some men in a car parked opposite decided to stare at me, pointing and smiling, that creeped me out. I was really terrified because the way they were looking at me was totally predatory, and as one girl against 2 men, I wouldn't have stood a chance if they came at me.
I think it's all about the area you're in, and how many people are around you. Men need to be aware of those factors and how intimidating they truly are to a woman alone in the wrong situation.
Something that pissed me off though - when I mentioned this myself to some people, a couple of them suggested it was my own fault for dressing the way I did! I don't know how you feel about that, but that made me so angry! How on earth can the clothes a woman wears give a man justification for doing whatever the hell he wants??!!
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*sighs* I've had this discussion so many times, I'm tired, so I understand entirely why you're so angry.
[Begin rant] In a nutshell, this view is summed up as: "It's called dressing attractively because it is dressing to attract attention. Consequently you have no right to complain when you do. If the attention isn't welcome, well, you'll just have to make sure that they don't notice you."
I took that message on board very early in my life - consequently I have spent most of it in baggy jumpers and badly-fitting jeans and have an entirely unreasonable reaction to anyone who says, 'Oh, but if I had your figure, I'd...'
Believe me - if you had my figure and my experiences, you probably wouldn't.
Apparently, women can't dress to feel pretty or sexy or attractive (What's the point of that? You don't need to feel that, you just need to show other people - especially men - that you ARE). We're still out there as commodities, a lot of the time, And I'm still furious about that. [End rant]
Sorry. And I'm especially sorry to hear that the same message is still being rammed home, sometimes by our nearest and dearest, because it seems to be the best way to protect us. And that is entirely wrong. The best way to deal with this is to change the thinking so that we don't need the "protection".
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Believe me - if you had my figure and my experiences, you probably wouldn't."
I understand that so well. Sadly, after nearly being raped myself by 4 guys in a college stairwell and a taxi driver on my way home from college, I have also started to dress differently in an attempt to blend into the background. My beautiful (and not at all cheap) clothes that I used to adore are now collecting dust in my closet while I hide behind baggy jeans and hoodies. And you know what? It pisses me off!! I don't understand why I should have to sacrifice my confidence and my ability to look good in return for my safety when I go outside! Surely in this century, that shouldn't even be an issue!
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Gods, that's horrible. I'm so sorry. And it makes me furious that we're still having to have these conversations - this is Dark Ages stuff, it shouldn't still be happening. It makes me so furious.
My hangups started so early, I didn't even notice at first that I wasn't dealing very well. I went from fat little 12 year old that no-one noticed, to slim 14 year old (with specs and a toothbrace) that no-one noticed, to slim 15 year old with boobs grafted on. Apparently that made it okay to start rubbing against me, grabbing me and trying to find out if I was wearing a bra - even some of the teachers used to do it.
I used to be pretty chatty, too. I've never been fazed by 'smutty' talk - in fact I have a very earthy sense of humour, but I even have to be careful that. Sometimes it implies that I'm doubly "wrong" and so can be told(and I really am quoting here), "What's wrong with you? That's what you wanted, isn't it? To be talked to like one of the lads?" when someone says something I find offensive (offering to f***my arse off, if I remember correctly) and I object, or - the other one, that isn't so context-specific "You know what you are - you're a tart." So the chattiness was damped down a lot, too.
Eek - another rant! Sorry. Sorry, Elizabeth. :-/
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It just makes me so mad that we end up feeling that we have to control how we talk, who we talk to, what we wear, where we go - when we are not the problem.
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Exactly!!! Men are responsible for their own behaviour and for the effects that their behaviour has on women. Nobody ever deserves to be harassed and you are right that men need to be aware of the impact they can have.
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