See What You People Drive Me to Do!
A Survey Attempting to Encompass the Seven Deadly Sins
ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? The Mother
2. What is your weapon of choice? Glock
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? That depends on how big she is and what she's done.
4. How about of the same sex? Also, depends what he's done.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Hell if I know, I piss people off readily.
6. What is your pet peeve? Stupidity, grammar, and God.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? That depends on how pissed I get. I will let most things slide, but if I get angry, I'm not forgeting any time soon.
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a while? Think on a continuous basis.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? Ten at night.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: I pretty much talk to the people I need to talk to.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I'm male
5. Have you ever watched an infommercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? Oh yeah. Especially at 3AM.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? At least once, but less than ten times.
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Thai Iced Tea, though I don't think yuppies drink these.
2. Meat eaters - red or white? Anything but pork with the exception of bacon.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? A bottle of Jose Cuervo Especial. Needless to say, I stay away from tequila now.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? Nope
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? Yeah, I'm dying.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Spicy.
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? I look at many children and thought that they look delicious to eat, but only as a biproduct of my dilike of small children.
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Many
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? Somewhere between eight and twelve.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Always.
4. Have you "done it"? Define it. I've done many its before.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? I'm not big on parts, put entire packages. Parts make me think I'm talking about a piece of meat on something from the slaughterhouse and I don't think of many women in that way, it's a waste of good meat.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? I wish I could say no, but that toothless woman in Toledo still haunts my dreams.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? Should I? I think the women I've been with are relatively clean. I follow Sam Kinison on this one. "If you don't trust the pussy, why are you fucking the pussy?"
GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? Five
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Well, the porn store, but I don't actually buy much there.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Invest it to be more filthy rich.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Until I could afford to have a non-shitty job.
6. Have you ever stolen anything? Not that I recall.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? None, I burnt them and deleted them.
PRIDE
1. What's one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Waking up this morning.
2. What's one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Not fucking up much.
3. What's a thing would you like to accomplish in your life? To not wake up one day.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? The only thing I come in second at is poker and I keep my money so, not really.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Why yes, I don't have all those worthless trophies and certificates collecting dust in my attic for no reason.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Not lately. Have you seen how stupid college kids are these days?
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Getting rid of that headache by sleeping more.
ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? I don't know. They don't have much more than I do. I suppose I could use two fake Chinese Rolexes like Mitchell.
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? No one, they'd screw up my Feng Shue.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Brad Pitt so I could sleep with Angelina Jolie, a lot, possibly that's all I would do all day.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? Nope
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Yes, a giant penis.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? The ability to have ADD.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? Not particularly, I could have been playing video games instead of writing a survey.
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? Lust with a side of Greed.
ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? The Mother
2. What is your weapon of choice? Glock
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? That depends on how big she is and what she's done.
4. How about of the same sex? Also, depends what he's done.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Hell if I know, I piss people off readily.
6. What is your pet peeve? Stupidity, grammar, and God.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? That depends on how pissed I get. I will let most things slide, but if I get angry, I'm not forgeting any time soon.
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a while? Think on a continuous basis.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? Ten at night.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: I pretty much talk to the people I need to talk to.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I'm male
5. Have you ever watched an infommercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? Oh yeah. Especially at 3AM.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? At least once, but less than ten times.
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Thai Iced Tea, though I don't think yuppies drink these.
2. Meat eaters - red or white? Anything but pork with the exception of bacon.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? A bottle of Jose Cuervo Especial. Needless to say, I stay away from tequila now.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? Nope
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? Yeah, I'm dying.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Spicy.
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? I look at many children and thought that they look delicious to eat, but only as a biproduct of my dilike of small children.
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Many
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? Somewhere between eight and twelve.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Always.
4. Have you "done it"? Define it. I've done many its before.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? I'm not big on parts, put entire packages. Parts make me think I'm talking about a piece of meat on something from the slaughterhouse and I don't think of many women in that way, it's a waste of good meat.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? I wish I could say no, but that toothless woman in Toledo still haunts my dreams.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? Should I? I think the women I've been with are relatively clean. I follow Sam Kinison on this one. "If you don't trust the pussy, why are you fucking the pussy?"
GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? Five
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Well, the porn store, but I don't actually buy much there.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Invest it to be more filthy rich.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Until I could afford to have a non-shitty job.
6. Have you ever stolen anything? Not that I recall.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? None, I burnt them and deleted them.
PRIDE
1. What's one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Waking up this morning.
2. What's one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Not fucking up much.
3. What's a thing would you like to accomplish in your life? To not wake up one day.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? The only thing I come in second at is poker and I keep my money so, not really.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Why yes, I don't have all those worthless trophies and certificates collecting dust in my attic for no reason.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Not lately. Have you seen how stupid college kids are these days?
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Getting rid of that headache by sleeping more.
ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? I don't know. They don't have much more than I do. I suppose I could use two fake Chinese Rolexes like Mitchell.
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? No one, they'd screw up my Feng Shue.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Brad Pitt so I could sleep with Angelina Jolie, a lot, possibly that's all I would do all day.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? Nope
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Yes, a giant penis.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? The ability to have ADD.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? Not particularly, I could have been playing video games instead of writing a survey.
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? Lust with a side of Greed.