Her Prophet Is Tired
~I felt like I should be speaking about my Faith and my Patience and so on…but I’m really not in the fucking mood.
I looked back under my old Live Journal tag ‘most humans are vile ignorant scum’ and found “Her Prophet Blah Blah” from Jan 18th, 2011, to wit:
~I am a venomous and hostile son-of-a-bitch and usually filled with a deep loathing and profound contempt for the vast majority of my fellow humans. Though I have asked E many times - and She has answered as many - most of the time I still find myself mystified as to why She choose me to follow this Path. On Good Days, it seems like a Redemption. On Bad Days, like a Punishment. But on the rest of the days it seems like there is precious little difference between those two conditions and all of that rather subjective.
It’s always a Lesson I suppose. *sigh* /end
These past few days is has seemed like those ‘latter days’ where there is ‘precious little difference between those two conditions’…and that has left me exhausted, sad and yet weirdly hopeful.
My Doubt and my Faith seem to be mud-wrestling, my sanity is in question and once again I am fearful that I simply do not have what it takes to 'stay the course’. But on the other hand, I am solidly into my twenty first year on this part of this Path and that should tell all of us something about my tenacity and outright fanaticism.
PS The other day, I wrote an angry note to Kat, who started me on this Path when I was seventeen and who should have become The Sisterhood’s High Priestess a half dozen years ago. But she turned out to be weak and shallow and too self-centered, so I just told her to fuck off.
Cleaning house….
I looked back under my old Live Journal tag ‘most humans are vile ignorant scum’ and found “Her Prophet Blah Blah” from Jan 18th, 2011, to wit:
~I am a venomous and hostile son-of-a-bitch and usually filled with a deep loathing and profound contempt for the vast majority of my fellow humans. Though I have asked E many times - and She has answered as many - most of the time I still find myself mystified as to why She choose me to follow this Path. On Good Days, it seems like a Redemption. On Bad Days, like a Punishment. But on the rest of the days it seems like there is precious little difference between those two conditions and all of that rather subjective.
It’s always a Lesson I suppose. *sigh* /end
These past few days is has seemed like those ‘latter days’ where there is ‘precious little difference between those two conditions’…and that has left me exhausted, sad and yet weirdly hopeful.
My Doubt and my Faith seem to be mud-wrestling, my sanity is in question and once again I am fearful that I simply do not have what it takes to 'stay the course’. But on the other hand, I am solidly into my twenty first year on this part of this Path and that should tell all of us something about my tenacity and outright fanaticism.
PS The other day, I wrote an angry note to Kat, who started me on this Path when I was seventeen and who should have become The Sisterhood’s High Priestess a half dozen years ago. But she turned out to be weak and shallow and too self-centered, so I just told her to fuck off.
Cleaning house….