Her Prophet Says Fuck
~It's my birthday in a week and half and, as usual, I'm not all that taken with its proximity. Throughout my life it has always been a marker of what I haven't accomplished. And when I was up at Hotel Hell, a likely flash point for emotional [and sometimes physical] violence. Basically, it is what is called a Negative Anchor.
As the birthday of The Sisterhood is two day after, it is now also a marker for The Sisterhood's progress. This too gets me a bit depressed. Last May it was 20 years since this Path made itself clear to me. In October it will be 15 years since our Tenets were Revealed to me. And in roughly two weeks The Sisterhood as such will be 12 years old.
...and we're still more or less nowhere, just a 'concept' shared by barely a handful.
I fully admit to being selfish about wanting to see this thing started within my life time. And with each birthday I anguish about not having that. Plus as I look out upon The World, I see its State of Being going in the crappier PDQ and worry that if The Sisterhood does not get underway soon, it never will....
...and this of course is another moment where my Faith falters. I suppose I suck as a Prophet. Too fucking many 'dark nights of the soul' [it's a little after 3am] and even I have been fucking bored by those - and the whining that accompanies them - for years now. *sigh*
But I won't give up. In way too deep at this point. And besides, what else am I going to do? I was given this gig via Divine Action and I know I'll get my ass kicked if I try to bail. [been there, done that] Such is how this Prophet racket works. Once you're in, you never get out...
...and so it fucking is.
As the birthday of The Sisterhood is two day after, it is now also a marker for The Sisterhood's progress. This too gets me a bit depressed. Last May it was 20 years since this Path made itself clear to me. In October it will be 15 years since our Tenets were Revealed to me. And in roughly two weeks The Sisterhood as such will be 12 years old.
...and we're still more or less nowhere, just a 'concept' shared by barely a handful.
I fully admit to being selfish about wanting to see this thing started within my life time. And with each birthday I anguish about not having that. Plus as I look out upon The World, I see its State of Being going in the crappier PDQ and worry that if The Sisterhood does not get underway soon, it never will....
...and this of course is another moment where my Faith falters. I suppose I suck as a Prophet. Too fucking many 'dark nights of the soul' [it's a little after 3am] and even I have been fucking bored by those - and the whining that accompanies them - for years now. *sigh*
But I won't give up. In way too deep at this point. And besides, what else am I going to do? I was given this gig via Divine Action and I know I'll get my ass kicked if I try to bail. [been there, done that] Such is how this Prophet racket works. Once you're in, you never get out...
...and so it fucking is.