(no subject)
NEWS FLASH! friday is party day. markham park. all day (hopefully). you bring the food, i'll bring the beer. and the drugs (i've got connections!). yeah, kidding.
so my brother came home last night (or should i say morning?) at 5 fricking o'clock. THAT'S FUCKING LATE! i'm getting sick and tired of this crap. he just needs to get over this already. my dad took him out of school after he decided he wasn't gonna go for a week. my mom refused to sign him out so my dad did. i guess daddy dearest doesn't want to be the bad guy, but he never could be. even if he tried. but it's just that my parents have given up. they had a conversation (my brother and parents) a couple of months ago because my brother wanted to drop out of school and get his GED. my parents said to stay in for the rest of the year and they'll agree to it. but my brother couldn't even do that. he's so frustrating. and so are my parents. they give in and it's pissing me off. my brother tries to play the stupid card, but it's not working. EVERYONE knows that. he is THE smartest person i know, and he's only 17. it's scary. everyone tells me to just worry about myself and don't think about matt. as long as i keep it up i'll do fine. but, i don't know, i guess i wanted him to be there for me next year. it's my first time in a school like this and i'm not saying he'd hang out with me or anything, but i'd be comfortable knowing he's there. he would walk to school with me and walk home. he's a good kid and he does look out for me in a way. he's cool to hang out with. nowadays he's on the computer for 15 hours, goes to his friend cj's house, and then sleeps. i haven't talked to him since april 30. literally. speaking of cj, my brother doesn't even like him, but he's best friends with the guy. matt disrespects everyone; friends, teachers, my parents. it's his way or the highway. and that's what i'm scared about. i think he might actaully leave. he'll run away and never come back. that's definately freaking me out. and then he has these maniac mood swings. partially the reason i haven't talk to him in well over a month is because i'm so afraid of him. i don't ask him to get off the computer so i can go on because i think he'll grow horns, his eyes will turn into flames, and he'll scream his lungs out. life's not supposed to be this way. living in fear everytime he walks by me? i'm sick of this. i guess i should be the annoying little sister. the naive one that doesn't know a thing about the real world. but honestly, my life is making me grow up so fast. i've wasted too much time thinking about my future and not enough about now. i want the old matt back. the kid who loved to eat bologna and cheese sandwhiches and drink kool-aid. i remember one year he knocked my tooth out at my aunt's house and i bled all over the carpet. he felt so bad and apologized so many times. i would do anything for it to be that way again. i wish he'd kick me out of his room or beat me up, the brotherly way. suppose now it's too late. i guess i only wrote this because i feel like if i talk to my friends it'd seem like i was complaining. i'm afraid they wouldn't listen or give me the "oh, i'm so sorry leeann. so what do you want to do this weekend?" maybe i just need new friends?
so my brother came home last night (or should i say morning?) at 5 fricking o'clock. THAT'S FUCKING LATE! i'm getting sick and tired of this crap. he just needs to get over this already. my dad took him out of school after he decided he wasn't gonna go for a week. my mom refused to sign him out so my dad did. i guess daddy dearest doesn't want to be the bad guy, but he never could be. even if he tried. but it's just that my parents have given up. they had a conversation (my brother and parents) a couple of months ago because my brother wanted to drop out of school and get his GED. my parents said to stay in for the rest of the year and they'll agree to it. but my brother couldn't even do that. he's so frustrating. and so are my parents. they give in and it's pissing me off. my brother tries to play the stupid card, but it's not working. EVERYONE knows that. he is THE smartest person i know, and he's only 17. it's scary. everyone tells me to just worry about myself and don't think about matt. as long as i keep it up i'll do fine. but, i don't know, i guess i wanted him to be there for me next year. it's my first time in a school like this and i'm not saying he'd hang out with me or anything, but i'd be comfortable knowing he's there. he would walk to school with me and walk home. he's a good kid and he does look out for me in a way. he's cool to hang out with. nowadays he's on the computer for 15 hours, goes to his friend cj's house, and then sleeps. i haven't talked to him since april 30. literally. speaking of cj, my brother doesn't even like him, but he's best friends with the guy. matt disrespects everyone; friends, teachers, my parents. it's his way or the highway. and that's what i'm scared about. i think he might actaully leave. he'll run away and never come back. that's definately freaking me out. and then he has these maniac mood swings. partially the reason i haven't talk to him in well over a month is because i'm so afraid of him. i don't ask him to get off the computer so i can go on because i think he'll grow horns, his eyes will turn into flames, and he'll scream his lungs out. life's not supposed to be this way. living in fear everytime he walks by me? i'm sick of this. i guess i should be the annoying little sister. the naive one that doesn't know a thing about the real world. but honestly, my life is making me grow up so fast. i've wasted too much time thinking about my future and not enough about now. i want the old matt back. the kid who loved to eat bologna and cheese sandwhiches and drink kool-aid. i remember one year he knocked my tooth out at my aunt's house and i bled all over the carpet. he felt so bad and apologized so many times. i would do anything for it to be that way again. i wish he'd kick me out of his room or beat me up, the brotherly way. suppose now it's too late. i guess i only wrote this because i feel like if i talk to my friends it'd seem like i was complaining. i'm afraid they wouldn't listen or give me the "oh, i'm so sorry leeann. so what do you want to do this weekend?" maybe i just need new friends?