this is actually from oct 24, but apparently it was posted as private...

Oct 28, 2005 20:34

(i'll post an actual recent update sometime soon, i swear)

it's been an obscenely long time since i updated last, which makes no sense seeing as the past few weeks have been incredibly remarkable and intense. one day i cried for more hours than i believed was humanely possible, the next i held a boy i might love in my arms all night while he tossed and turned and shuddered in his sleep. i performed at shepherd for the first time and began questioning my future and becoming increasingly uncertain about classical music -- i also realized it's easy to have a crush on someone else while being perfectly content with the relationship you're in, which is bizarre and disconcerting. i had midterms and my family moved and everyone around me got horribly sick (mono, severe respiratory infection, severe tonsilitis, flu...you name it, they had it). i experienced a plethora of things that were completely new and different and sublime.

thursday night was senior drink night and fun while it lasted, but i woke up with a headache and a camera full of pictures i had no recollection of taking. people kept recounting tales of my escapades the night before, and i felt incredibly embarassed because i know i said things i shouldn't have... and i'm so good at hiding my drunkenness, that half the people i talked to didnt even realize i was wasted! fuck. i hate getting too drunk. but then friday night was drink-free and new and divine.

some day this week i walked into the girls bathroom and found brad peeing with the stall door open. then anika walked in and had the most confused expression on her face that i've ever witnessed. i was like "sorry, he doesnt like walking an extra 5 steps to the men's bathroom" and anika half laughed half freaked out, haha. you can't help liking a boy that weird, i think.

on saturday brad and i went to the ktru pool party, which consisted of a keg and about 5 people. suffice to say, i had an incredibly enjoyable afternoon. it was gorgeous outside and we sat around with mostly 20-something rice graduates and drank beer. then brad drove me to shepherd and i tried to practice, but ended up calling my family instead and talking excessively for 2 hours. oops. then i ate and had this aching, undeniable urge to play my cello right as tom came and asked me if i wanted to go to the grieg cello sonata concert. we went and it was sublime and then brad picked me up and we went briefly to an OC party where i chatted it up with two 5th years at rice who both hooked up with brad in the last year. then we came back to jones and drank GOOD DARK BEER and appletinis... that night i slept better than i have in a long long time and brad had an unbelievably complicated dream about all these bizarre musical instruments. then i practiced for 5 hours today (which is possibly the record of the year) and thought about a lot of shit and now i should be sleeping. asjkdfieru fucka fuck fuck but oh life is so weirdly twisted and good. i have a faint taste of cigarettes in my mouth all of a sudden, hm. life is such a mystery, every little element of it. but thats what makes it so glorious i think. and so fucking frustruating. --2:31am
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