listen... do you smell something?
for some reason, being grounded always brings back good memories. not so much of being home, but of being out there in the wide world, exploring and enjoying the fruits and the friends. i just gotta take it a day at a time and look forward to seeing my friends again after a while of being away. sucks that most of the people i love don't go to my school so i can't see them at all. but yesterday was tight, my parents left so zach came over and then later pat, kbear, and parker came through and we smoked a blunt. and before that i was crazy and desperate, so i gathered all the little scraps of the precious green leaf i had left, crammed it into a bowl, sprinkled mushroom shake on top and had myself a pretty good high as fuck. sweet.
today, the day i celebrate my mother for giving birth to me. me and my mom talked about drugs.. i finally asked the question that has been nagging at me god knows how long... mom, tell me about the time you did acid. the answer was fucking insane and i've decided that they just don't make it like they used to. she said she took half a "dose" and was trippin balls, like her arms were stretching and not only was she seeing stuff, but hearing stuff too!! i HELLA got to get acid that strong. joele would love me forever if i got that, its the kind of trip i literally dream of.
my sis came home this weekend too, i really don't know her at all.
i left the hearts and the beads and all "non-calder" stuff on my mobile and rather than being repremanded i was hailed! thank you, dan, for ensuring that i would leave it, i felt a lot better than i would have had i cut the heart off. i can't believe the thought crossed my mind. how can you take the heart out without killing it?
is it wierd how sometimes something you think feels REALLY right, and you know its the best thing for you to do for yourself, gets you in trouble and grounded. and then when your mom asks why and all you can say is, i NEEDED to, and she says thats not a good enough excuse, so you wanna lie, but then you hate lying so you just take it as it comes. i got the punishment, i got the horror of a locked door and the freedom of an open window. i wonder why? why why why is it always a question of the key. wheres the key to getting along and getting out to see? where and when do i start the rest of my life? how come i'm still locked inside. no sight no sound can penetrate the cold, the hard, the shackles, i am bound. how come prison never seems so bad til you're there. its just home. i'm just home. sometimes i get the opportunity to be alone. i read a lot and learn and feel and end up crazy i'm talking to myself. i'm writing insanity. it keeps my spirit alive, i'm... open the window, let the rain and the cold and the fresh air of the outside in, let the light and the sounds of the night in. i'm... trapped inside, what a crazy ride. almost want to run but in this whole world theres no place to hide. there's good and evil, bad and good. theres the things that you need, things you thought you knew, the things that were misunderstood. theres the window that keeps your desires alive. theres the door that keeps your desires inside. never wake up, never stop dreaming, never open your eyes...you'll never stop believing...lies. i remember once i saw a streetlight and it kissed me and it held me and it was the thing that kept my spirit inspired. that bright light outside, always outside. too far for me to touch too close for me to love. too tired to wake me, too bright to stay with me. oh the morning and my light is out, my love, my home, me always here, always alone. i will send the cold draft back outside, tell it to look around and send love to the people i miss, one weekend gone and i'll send everyone a thousand hugs, or maybe just one single kiss.
today, the day i celebrate my mother for giving birth to me. me and my mom talked about drugs.. i finally asked the question that has been nagging at me god knows how long... mom, tell me about the time you did acid. the answer was fucking insane and i've decided that they just don't make it like they used to. she said she took half a "dose" and was trippin balls, like her arms were stretching and not only was she seeing stuff, but hearing stuff too!! i HELLA got to get acid that strong. joele would love me forever if i got that, its the kind of trip i literally dream of.
my sis came home this weekend too, i really don't know her at all.
i left the hearts and the beads and all "non-calder" stuff on my mobile and rather than being repremanded i was hailed! thank you, dan, for ensuring that i would leave it, i felt a lot better than i would have had i cut the heart off. i can't believe the thought crossed my mind. how can you take the heart out without killing it?
is it wierd how sometimes something you think feels REALLY right, and you know its the best thing for you to do for yourself, gets you in trouble and grounded. and then when your mom asks why and all you can say is, i NEEDED to, and she says thats not a good enough excuse, so you wanna lie, but then you hate lying so you just take it as it comes. i got the punishment, i got the horror of a locked door and the freedom of an open window. i wonder why? why why why is it always a question of the key. wheres the key to getting along and getting out to see? where and when do i start the rest of my life? how come i'm still locked inside. no sight no sound can penetrate the cold, the hard, the shackles, i am bound. how come prison never seems so bad til you're there. its just home. i'm just home. sometimes i get the opportunity to be alone. i read a lot and learn and feel and end up crazy i'm talking to myself. i'm writing insanity. it keeps my spirit alive, i'm... open the window, let the rain and the cold and the fresh air of the outside in, let the light and the sounds of the night in. i'm... trapped inside, what a crazy ride. almost want to run but in this whole world theres no place to hide. there's good and evil, bad and good. theres the things that you need, things you thought you knew, the things that were misunderstood. theres the window that keeps your desires alive. theres the door that keeps your desires inside. never wake up, never stop dreaming, never open your eyes...you'll never stop believing...lies. i remember once i saw a streetlight and it kissed me and it held me and it was the thing that kept my spirit inspired. that bright light outside, always outside. too far for me to touch too close for me to love. too tired to wake me, too bright to stay with me. oh the morning and my light is out, my love, my home, me always here, always alone. i will send the cold draft back outside, tell it to look around and send love to the people i miss, one weekend gone and i'll send everyone a thousand hugs, or maybe just one single kiss.