Your changing mind, is it friend or foe?
this semester:
it's been quite some time since i've updated. its been an extremely busy semester for me, the busiest one so far - and i've actually accomplished very little. my grades are horrible - and not just horrible in jamie terms, but really bad. and if you know me, you know how important my gpa is. my brother pointed out my slacking abilities (which is when you KNOW that its gotten bad). i'm not complaining, i mean, i'm ok with it. i'm the one who makes the conscious decsion to hand in a paper late or not study for a midterm. i guess i'm just in a rough/lazy patch right now... but i finally handed in my rationale (!!!) - a paper that all Gallatin students are required to write in order to graduate. granted, it was 2 weeks late and still needs massive editing according to my advisor, but i did the first step.
it's (my attitude towards school) getting a little better now that i feel the pressure to find a job before i graduate...that's another thing that has been on my mind and is sufficiently freaking me out. after graduation, i have to find a job - i dont care where, as long as it pays relatively well, i have to get insurance, i have to decide if/when i want to go to grad/law school, etc. this whole notion of the "real life" is scary, and - while i am graduating early and while i've always considered myself a little more advanced or ahead of lots of people my age - i don't think im prepared for it at all. . .
"i forget myself, i want you to remind me"
on a better note, i am absolutely loving my life this semester. there have been some ups and downs, but for once i'm not wallowing in the downs. i kind of appreciate them, actually. i spend most of my waking moments with my sorority sisters and i'm going out more than i ever have in college. i feel like i'm either that senior that just wants to have fun and make the most of the rest of the year, or that freshman that is uber excited to be free and in college and goes drinking at least 4 of the 7 days of the week. i'm hoping that it's the first one. i think it's safe to say that if i'm not in one of the thousand meetings i have to attend each week or if i'm not in class or work, i'm out. i blame this on bbq being right across the street from class and restaurants that serve alcohol as early as noon. that should be illegal.
i really am having an awesome time this semester - to the point where even when NYU registration has failed me for the 3rd consecutive year, i brush it off. after having a drink or two. just kidding. it's a little weird because i know friends (outside of NYU) poke fun at my greek involvement (well, obsession really) or can't really seem to understand it, even when i try to explain how amazing my sisters are. we just crossed 10 newbies last week-end (i was pledgemaster...just imagine that for a second); they are a cute, sweet group of girls.
its going to be a hot rest of the semester.
"you're the one who makes me come running...i wanna make you mine"
the boy situation (and i use the term "boy" deliberately) is a tad confusing, and not worth the time or effort to type out here. but i want to remember this, ahem, high point in my life so that i can look back and laugh at my idiocy and the REdiculuous-ness of this whole situation. some of it is actually inter-changeable with previous relationships - there are the usual elements: some stalking, asshole qualities, talking online, etc. all the ingredients necessary to make my life much more harder than it should be, make my week-ends much more unpredictable, and provide entertainment for my friends - who feel the need to laugh everytime this subject is mentioned.
im taking it back to the 90s - ive been listening to this song on repeat this entire week - the vertical horizon and a capella (i think the Hulabahoos?) version of it, not the Duncan Sheik one:
BARELY BREATHING
I know what you’re doing,
I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There’s not much to examine, there’s nothing left to hide
You really can’t be serious if you have to ask me why
I say good-bye...
‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
Everyone keeps asking, what’s it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can’t figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There’s nothing left to reason and only you to blame
Will it ever change?
I’ve come to find
I may never know
Your changing mind
Is it friend or foe?
I rise above
Or sink below
With every time
You come and go
Please don’t come and go
it's been quite some time since i've updated. its been an extremely busy semester for me, the busiest one so far - and i've actually accomplished very little. my grades are horrible - and not just horrible in jamie terms, but really bad. and if you know me, you know how important my gpa is. my brother pointed out my slacking abilities (which is when you KNOW that its gotten bad). i'm not complaining, i mean, i'm ok with it. i'm the one who makes the conscious decsion to hand in a paper late or not study for a midterm. i guess i'm just in a rough/lazy patch right now... but i finally handed in my rationale (!!!) - a paper that all Gallatin students are required to write in order to graduate. granted, it was 2 weeks late and still needs massive editing according to my advisor, but i did the first step.
it's (my attitude towards school) getting a little better now that i feel the pressure to find a job before i graduate...that's another thing that has been on my mind and is sufficiently freaking me out. after graduation, i have to find a job - i dont care where, as long as it pays relatively well, i have to get insurance, i have to decide if/when i want to go to grad/law school, etc. this whole notion of the "real life" is scary, and - while i am graduating early and while i've always considered myself a little more advanced or ahead of lots of people my age - i don't think im prepared for it at all. . .
"i forget myself, i want you to remind me"
on a better note, i am absolutely loving my life this semester. there have been some ups and downs, but for once i'm not wallowing in the downs. i kind of appreciate them, actually. i spend most of my waking moments with my sorority sisters and i'm going out more than i ever have in college. i feel like i'm either that senior that just wants to have fun and make the most of the rest of the year, or that freshman that is uber excited to be free and in college and goes drinking at least 4 of the 7 days of the week. i'm hoping that it's the first one. i think it's safe to say that if i'm not in one of the thousand meetings i have to attend each week or if i'm not in class or work, i'm out. i blame this on bbq being right across the street from class and restaurants that serve alcohol as early as noon. that should be illegal.
i really am having an awesome time this semester - to the point where even when NYU registration has failed me for the 3rd consecutive year, i brush it off. after having a drink or two. just kidding. it's a little weird because i know friends (outside of NYU) poke fun at my greek involvement (well, obsession really) or can't really seem to understand it, even when i try to explain how amazing my sisters are. we just crossed 10 newbies last week-end (i was pledgemaster...just imagine that for a second); they are a cute, sweet group of girls.
its going to be a hot rest of the semester.
"you're the one who makes me come running...i wanna make you mine"
the boy situation (and i use the term "boy" deliberately) is a tad confusing, and not worth the time or effort to type out here. but i want to remember this, ahem, high point in my life so that i can look back and laugh at my idiocy and the REdiculuous-ness of this whole situation. some of it is actually inter-changeable with previous relationships - there are the usual elements: some stalking, asshole qualities, talking online, etc. all the ingredients necessary to make my life much more harder than it should be, make my week-ends much more unpredictable, and provide entertainment for my friends - who feel the need to laugh everytime this subject is mentioned.
im taking it back to the 90s - ive been listening to this song on repeat this entire week - the vertical horizon and a capella (i think the Hulabahoos?) version of it, not the Duncan Sheik one:
BARELY BREATHING
I know what you’re doing,
I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There’s not much to examine, there’s nothing left to hide
You really can’t be serious if you have to ask me why
I say good-bye...
‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
Everyone keeps asking, what’s it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can’t figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There’s nothing left to reason and only you to blame
Will it ever change?
I’ve come to find
I may never know
Your changing mind
Is it friend or foe?
I rise above
Or sink below
With every time
You come and go
Please don’t come and go