♛ （ two. ）

[neantmoins]

Oi, Jerkface Eyebrows ... England.

I can't say I want to do this, but Florence seems really set on it. She told you about the wedding, right? [ napoleon makes a sudden noise at this, but quickly covers it up with a cough. ] Anyway. We got some things to talk over concerning it as she wants you there.

There's some conditions about all this

Comments

n-never late!!

[is_an_island]

[the sound of a tinkling teacup as it breaks, like the other many hopes and dreams of England]

Pardon?

of course not! late doesn't exist in my vocabulary!

[neantmoins]

Yeah, she came to the conclusion that because we don't have parents you should step in and give her away. Like I said, I don't want it to happen but...

Anyway, you should think it over or something.

hopefully neither does "slow as a snail/turtle/legendary slowpoke"

[is_an_island]

You're not marrying her.

You're never marrying her.

Go back to the 19th century, you cheeky little thumb-sucking twat.

what are these words? i don't understand.

[neantmoins]

Are you really willing to break her heart? She's been looking forward to this, you know. Plus she needs some support until Elizabeth gets back, you twit.

i-i'm so moved...

[is_an_island]

I'll be her support.

You can go off and jump off a cliff. No, why don't you just go to Elba. Yes, heard it was nice this time of year, so you can just get bloody away from her.

[neantmoins]

And I'll be a proper future husband and stay to give my support as well.

Besides wouldn't it be better to say I should go to Saint Helena? Or would you want me to come back?

[is_an_island]

I want you to go back to anywhere else but here, where you can stay there, rotting and wilting horribly away.

You're not going to be a husband, and I'm going to curse you.

[neantmoins]

If you know a way out here then, please point the way because I'm sure you'd make a lot of people happy if you gave that sort of knowledge out.

No, I think I am and is that supposed to scare me?

[is_an_island]

I've decided that I'm going to curse you with bad luck.

You're forbidden from marrying Florence, and you're going to be walking around with two thousand years of bad luck.

[neantmoins]

You see, this is why I didn't want to include you in the wedding plans. And bad luck, what are you going to do? Make sure I have to see you more than I already do? Because that would pretty bad luck in my opinion.

[is_an_island]

You're not marrying her.

It's out of the questions. There will be no "conditions" because you won't be marrying her at all.

[neantmoins]

Really, the conditions weren't that bad. You just weren't allowed to wear a sweater vest and you had to help her choosing flower arrangements.

[is_an_island]

Roses and there's nothing wrong with sweater vests and you're off your trolley if you think the wedding's going to happen.

[neantmoins]

Okay, hold that thought and let me find a pen and paper.

[ rummaging and slamming of drawers. ] Okay, so just roses? I was thinking about lilies too or cyclamen. But I know nothing about flowers. And sorry, but it's her conditions not mine about the sweater vest.

[is_an_island]

No, just roses, and the sweater vest is fine and you're trying to trick me aren't you.

There will be no marriage. And if you insist on holding the ceremony, don't think this is the first marital attempt that I've ruined.

[neantmoins]

Just... roses, okay, well I'll be sure to pass it on to her. And hey, I'll try and compromise about the sweater vest thing.

And you really shouldn't say that, she's already really depressed and planning this is keeping her spirits up.