25. Wit takes over, humor takes its toll
Humor is a great defense against, well, just about anything except ninjas. Not that ninjas don’t appreciate a good joke, but I think they could still kill you while laughing.
I have often used humor as my escape from things uncomfortable. When a situation or conversation gets too real for me, too painful, I will crack a joke. I will try as hard as I can to make it seem like I am okay, that I am strong, and sometimes I think the best way to do this is through my ever-present wit-defense.
The problem is finding the right line. Humor, used occasionally, can break the tension, help everyone see there is something better than this situation. That’s fantastic and should be appreciated.
Unfortunately, as the title indicates, wit can take over. It can suck the life right out of you if you always deny the negative emotion, always go for the punchline.
Wit takes over, then it takes its toll.
The toll is that I can feel trapped by it. I can feel like I always have to be the sunny one, the goofy one, the one who lets everything slide off her back. And it literally begins to kill me inside.
Then I turn hostile, towards others, towards myself for the box that I have created.
And then I can’t help anyone.
In the course of the past few years, I have been learning to balance my laughter with my tears, and it is hard, but I am learning.
I am finding this positive within the negative, and I am remembering that sometimes sadness-when merited-is the positive.