22. Hatred takes over
First off, for some reason my site isn’t loading properly in IE, but seems to be fine in Firefox. Frustrating, especially to my dear mother.
Second, the post:
I have a friend who sometimes believes she is cursed. She believes that whatever higher power exists gave her bipolar disorder as a punishment. She does not believe this all the time, but I know occasionally she struggles with it, alternating between hating her bipolar, and feeling apathetic towards it.
Hatred, as the title says, can take over.
I spent a lot of time hating my disorder, and really ended up hating myself, because the two are so interconnected.
I must be weak to have a mental illness.
I must have been bad.
I must deserve this.
I’ve come to realize that, yes, I do deserve this. Not because I am weak or bad, but because I am strong, resourceful, and know what to do with the cards nature and nurture have dealt to me. If there is a god who put this upon me, it was put upon me out of love, because being bipolar gives me a unique way to change the world.
It gives all of us this.
We can change the world through our unique understanding of it. We can make it better, at least a small bit.
Do not let hatred of something you did not choose become hatred of yourself. You will get further with love, and may surprise yourself by feeling more well.