(no subject)
so craig and lulu were drunk and kissed. my life is ruined. i dont know what to do in response. people tell me that i have to stop hanging out with him totally. he says he did what felt right at the time. he has always wanted to kiss other girls. and here i am, alone. lulu feels bad but is acting like nothing happened. im very very very uncomfortable with the two of them hanging out because i just hate it. but what does my opinion matter. it didnt when they kissed. 2 years of relationship with craig. 12 years of friendship with lulu. allllll down the drain. sure, i forgave. but nothing is the same. nothing will ever be the same ever again. i have developed serious trust issues. craig and i are never getting back togther and i feel like this is what had to have happened for me to realize this. im not hungry. all i do is work out. and sleep. and stare. at my wall. sit in my car. cry. im a hopeless mess. with no parents. or a boyfriend. and shitty friends. and everyone is totally oblivious. why is she so sad? its not that big of a deal. well, it is. when my dad died it felt like it was all in the same day. un til it hit the year mark. when that happened, it felt like an eternity ago. and its starting to feel like that with my mom. it scares me because it has only been 4 months. not even. =( im a depressed little girl. in sweatpants. who goes to the gym everyday. i probably have some type of eating disorder actually. would anybody know that? of course not. i dont have anyone i can talk to. everyone says i do but when it all comes down to it, i really dont. this has been a terrible experience for me. instead of everyone apologizing about it, lulus acting like nothing happened, and craig acts as if he is totally justified. perfect. everything in everyone elses lives is perfect. cept the orphan. but that makes sense. some people live their whole lives and have nothing bad happen to them. and others take all of the bad things for their own lives. not by choice, but by fate. guess who is one of the others?