Confused.
Now that I am successfully finished with my suicide class, I am very pleased. I did very well (so I believe, we'll see when the grades come out) and I enjoyed going to school again.
Unfortunately, now that it is over, I have no idea what to do with myself. I am officially bored again. That makes me feel directionless and useless.
I am in line for a promotion at work, and if I am offered the position, I will take it because of what it offers. It is more than a two-position increase in status within the company and in pay. I get to travel, but not beyond the tristate area, and I get reimbursed for said travel. 401(K) gets to keep growing, health insurance is good, so is job itself.
If I am not offered the position, I will be going back to school full-time. Take the class at the community college, take the two-class maximum at my college. And join the millions of Americans in debt by taking out a loan to pay for it all.
Until I know what is going on, I am halting my efforts to register for classes. I do not want to commit or take up a slot in a class unnecessarily. I hate the idea of withdrawing from school if I get the promotion, but it will have to happen. The opportunity will be too great not to give it my complete focus. I am totally 50-50 on this situation, and I will be happy either way. I would love to go back to school and become a teacher, and live my life helping people learn. I would also love to be financially secure and have a head start on the next parts of my life.
I have done everything I can to prepare for either situation. The decision is now out of my hands. I have let go and am going to let God decide where my life is going to go. I prepared, I did my best in class and in the interviews, and now I release. I pray not for either decision, because whatever happens next is God's plan for me. I am at a cross-road and will let He who created the universe tell me exactly where I am going.
You know, I envy The Cop. Remember him? He has a calling in his life. He followed two generations of his family into law enforcement, and wants to and does help people. He had a dream to become a cop and he followed that dream. I never had that kind of dream. I wanted to grow up and just be happy, with no definition or plan of how to accomplish that goal.
I wanted to teach, that is why I went back to school. I did not know where my life was going, but I sure as hell knew I was meant for more than a damn receptionist. However, I felt no calling for teaching, I just knew it was something I could enjoy, and that I had a desire to continue to persue that field. I have no calling to teach people how to use new medical technology, either. The idea of traveling a bit, I like. Not staying in one place too long, that I like. Being behind the scenes and not dealing directly with patients, that I like even more. But still, no calling.
Maybe I have not heard it, yet. Maybe I do not have one. That makes finding a purpose for my life just a bit harder. Maybe one will show up later on. Guess I will just keep doing what I am doing, and keep trusting God, and wait and see.
Unfortunately, now that it is over, I have no idea what to do with myself. I am officially bored again. That makes me feel directionless and useless.
I am in line for a promotion at work, and if I am offered the position, I will take it because of what it offers. It is more than a two-position increase in status within the company and in pay. I get to travel, but not beyond the tristate area, and I get reimbursed for said travel. 401(K) gets to keep growing, health insurance is good, so is job itself.
If I am not offered the position, I will be going back to school full-time. Take the class at the community college, take the two-class maximum at my college. And join the millions of Americans in debt by taking out a loan to pay for it all.
Until I know what is going on, I am halting my efforts to register for classes. I do not want to commit or take up a slot in a class unnecessarily. I hate the idea of withdrawing from school if I get the promotion, but it will have to happen. The opportunity will be too great not to give it my complete focus. I am totally 50-50 on this situation, and I will be happy either way. I would love to go back to school and become a teacher, and live my life helping people learn. I would also love to be financially secure and have a head start on the next parts of my life.
I have done everything I can to prepare for either situation. The decision is now out of my hands. I have let go and am going to let God decide where my life is going to go. I prepared, I did my best in class and in the interviews, and now I release. I pray not for either decision, because whatever happens next is God's plan for me. I am at a cross-road and will let He who created the universe tell me exactly where I am going.
You know, I envy The Cop. Remember him? He has a calling in his life. He followed two generations of his family into law enforcement, and wants to and does help people. He had a dream to become a cop and he followed that dream. I never had that kind of dream. I wanted to grow up and just be happy, with no definition or plan of how to accomplish that goal.
I wanted to teach, that is why I went back to school. I did not know where my life was going, but I sure as hell knew I was meant for more than a damn receptionist. However, I felt no calling for teaching, I just knew it was something I could enjoy, and that I had a desire to continue to persue that field. I have no calling to teach people how to use new medical technology, either. The idea of traveling a bit, I like. Not staying in one place too long, that I like. Being behind the scenes and not dealing directly with patients, that I like even more. But still, no calling.
Maybe I have not heard it, yet. Maybe I do not have one. That makes finding a purpose for my life just a bit harder. Maybe one will show up later on. Guess I will just keep doing what I am doing, and keep trusting God, and wait and see.