(no subject)
Someday I'll find out why I was supposed to fall for Michelle. Because right now the only one who knows why I had to is God. Sometimes I wonder if there's any way I could possibly want a girl more than I want her when she smiles at me - I feel like I could do just about anything.
It's girly, but it's true. She subscribes to my thing now, has for a while, but I doubt she is online enough to read them anyway. If she did, she'd either be really touched or really freaked. I don't know. Maybe some day I will find out.
Oh, and I had my first kiss a few weeks ago. A drunk girl at a party did, and to be nice we'll just say that I wasn't quite in the state I should have been at the time, otherwise it probably wouldn't have happened. The pathetic part is that I'd almost pathologically avoided kissing people before because I was waiting for a special one, and then I get some drunk chick. But maybe that's the way it had to happen. My bonds had to be loosed, so to speak, by a girl with a less than upstanding character. I'd be too scared with anyone else. I don't know. I'm rambling. But anyway, that's done and while I wish I could go back and change it, it happened and I just have to get on with my life. Quite frankly, if it was gonna happen that way, I wish it'd have gone down in high school, maybe then I would have been able to suck it up and actually ask a girl to snowball or prom my senior year (in person this time). I find it odd that my first kiss, my first slow-dance, my first time asking someone out, and my first time going on a 2nd date were all with girls I wouldn't ever in a second be interested in anymore. But, I guess that's probably the way it happens with most people - I just only notice when people are happy.
I have a good feeling about this next year, though. I'll finally have a cool roommate again for one thing - no more roommates who are never around, no more roommates who get drunk and stoned and (may or may not) steal my textbooks, and no more roommates who bring their girlfriend over every night for a month and don't even ask you one time whether you're ok with it. And as I just mentioned, I have one less reason to be scared about girls. I'm getting to the point where I can almost approach the boundary of posibbly being able to creep up to that line and ask a girl out...of course, the problem now is finding one who would say yes, and who I would want to ask (a near-impossible combination so far). There's no point doing it here, as I'm going back to school in two months and I don't really like anyone here anyway, except for Michelle of course.
Wow, another late night rambling post.
It's girly, but it's true. She subscribes to my thing now, has for a while, but I doubt she is online enough to read them anyway. If she did, she'd either be really touched or really freaked. I don't know. Maybe some day I will find out.
Oh, and I had my first kiss a few weeks ago. A drunk girl at a party did, and to be nice we'll just say that I wasn't quite in the state I should have been at the time, otherwise it probably wouldn't have happened. The pathetic part is that I'd almost pathologically avoided kissing people before because I was waiting for a special one, and then I get some drunk chick. But maybe that's the way it had to happen. My bonds had to be loosed, so to speak, by a girl with a less than upstanding character. I'd be too scared with anyone else. I don't know. I'm rambling. But anyway, that's done and while I wish I could go back and change it, it happened and I just have to get on with my life. Quite frankly, if it was gonna happen that way, I wish it'd have gone down in high school, maybe then I would have been able to suck it up and actually ask a girl to snowball or prom my senior year (in person this time). I find it odd that my first kiss, my first slow-dance, my first time asking someone out, and my first time going on a 2nd date were all with girls I wouldn't ever in a second be interested in anymore. But, I guess that's probably the way it happens with most people - I just only notice when people are happy.
I have a good feeling about this next year, though. I'll finally have a cool roommate again for one thing - no more roommates who are never around, no more roommates who get drunk and stoned and (may or may not) steal my textbooks, and no more roommates who bring their girlfriend over every night for a month and don't even ask you one time whether you're ok with it. And as I just mentioned, I have one less reason to be scared about girls. I'm getting to the point where I can almost approach the boundary of posibbly being able to creep up to that line and ask a girl out...of course, the problem now is finding one who would say yes, and who I would want to ask (a near-impossible combination so far). There's no point doing it here, as I'm going back to school in two months and I don't really like anyone here anyway, except for Michelle of course.
Wow, another late night rambling post.