A Cry for Help Part 32b
Tony held Abby’s hand, hanging on to her every word as she rambled on about absolutely nothing. It always amazed him how the Goth always seemed to know what he needed and at the moment, he needed something to keep his mind off of the reason McGee was here in Stillwater. He supposed that he would find out soon enough, but the waiting was beginning to get to him. That’s when Abby began talking about why she didn’t like the movie ‘Titanic’.
It really wasn’t one his favorites either, especially after his time at Agent Afloat. Personally, he didn’t care if he ever set foot upon another ship as long he lived, but working for NCIS, Tony knew that the likelihood of that never happening was astronomical. Of course, he wasn’t sure that he was going to continue working for NCIS. Too much had happened and he wondered if he had outlived his usefulness not only to NCIS, but to Gibbs.
“Tony?” Abby called out to him.
“Yeah?” he muttered.
“You kind of zoned out on me.”
Tony smiled at her. “Sorry about that.”
“Are you tired? Do you want to go to sleep?”
Tony shook his head and sighed. ‘No, I’m all right. Just…waiting.”
She tilted her head to one side as she studied him. Tony squeezed her hand. “I’m fine,” he promised. “I’m just waiting on Gibbs to come back and tell me what McGee had to say.”
“I’m sure that everything is fine.”
“You’re a horrible liar.”
“I know.”
He willingly took a sip of the refreshing water when Abby held the straw to his lips. “Thanks.”
Abby leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. “You’re welcome.”
“Abs? Can I ask you a question?”
“Ask away my handsome prince,” she said.
“Handsome prince? I don’t think I’d go that far; not until I’m on my feet. Maybe disheveled, confused, perplexed…”
“Even though you’re paler than your sheets, I still think you are handsome,” Abby assured him.
“I’ll have to take your word on that.”
She laughed as she held onto his hand even tighter. He loved the sound of her laughter; it always managed to warm his heart on the coldest of days. “So, what do you want to ask me?” the Goth wanted to know.
“I want you to be honest with me,” he pleaded.
“I’ve never lied to you Tony and I’m not about to start now.”
“I know.” He took a deep breath and blew it out. “Do you think that it’s time for me to move on?”
“What do you mean?”
“NCIS. Do you think it’s time for me to leave?”
“No!” she sharply replied. “How can you even think that?”
“I’ve been here for eight years.”
“So?”
“I just don’t know if this is what I want to do anymore.”
“Tony, don’t make any hasty decisions,” Abby pleaded. “You’re tired, you’re sick, and you’ve just had major surgery; now is not the time for you to be worrying about anything except getting better.”
“I don’t know, Abs. I guess a lot of it’s going to depend on whether Gibbs…”
“Abby.”
They both looked up at the sound of her name to discover Gibbs standing in the doorway. The team leader signed something to her, prompting Abby to give him another peck on the cheek before she stood up to leave. “Remember what I said,” she whispered in his ear. “Don’t do anything rash.”
Tony nodded and watched his friend leave, pausing long enough to sign one last thing to Gibbs. Acknowledging her with a curt nod, she left, leaving the two of them alone.
“You know, I’m still not deaf and that is still annoying,” Tony said.
“She just told me to go easy on you,” Gibbs translated.
“You should listen to her.”
Gibbs smiled and for a moment, Tony could almost believe that everything was going to be all right; but his gut was telling him something else completely. “So, what did McGee want?”
He watched as Gibbs took the seat that Abby had just vacated. Tony could tell by the solemn expression that the older man was now wearing that he was in serious trouble. “That bad, huh?”
Tony listened carefully as Gibbs began to lay out the SecNav’s proposal for him. He hung on every word, afraid to make a sound in fear of missing the minutest detail. His head was beginning to throb and his stomach was beginning to churn. God, when had he become so weak? He closed his eyes, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall.
He felt his mattress give slightly as Gibbs moved to sit on the edge of his bed. “Tony?” he softly called out.
“The bastard’s won!” Tony blurted out as he snapped open his eyes, no longer caring if his tears fell.
“No he hasn’t, DiNozzo.”
“Let me see if I can…get this straight.” A sharp pain took his breath for a moment.
“Tony, you’ve got to stay calm,” the team leader urged.
“I’m okay,” he gasped, forcing himself to continue his train of thought. “Now, SecNav is willing to get rid of Vance and not open an investigation against me if I’m willing to give him list of names I found and deny that the case even happened. And if I agree to this, we all get to keep our jobs and no charges will be filed against you all for helping me. Does that about cover it?”
“Yeah,” Gibbs replied. “He’ll also have the contract on your life nullified.”
Tony began to laugh. He realized that Gibbs probably thought that he had lost his mind and truthfully, he wasn’t convinced that he hadn’t. “So, I can just go and pretend that the hell I’ve been through didn’t actually happen. Sounds like a plan to me.”
“Tony…”
“Why not? I mean, I’m an…expert at hiding the truth,” Tony rationalized. “I’ve done it for years; what’s one more time? It’s probably better this way anyway, and then we all can pretend that the last few months didn’t happen. Maybe if I pretend hard enough, I can start believing that Jenny dying wasn’t my fault… and that I didn’t betray your trust by working undercover and not telling you about it!
“Maybe…I can pretend like I never fell in love with Jeanne and didn’t…live a lie for…over a year. Then maybe I can pretend to accept the fact that it’s all right for a father to leave his…son in a hotel room in Hawaii and that my child hood was actually normal. Maybe I can pretend that it doesn’t bother me that my father hates me and…”
Calloused hands cupped his face, forcing him to look into the eyes of the one man that he truly admired. “Tony, you’ve got to calm down. Listen to me.” Gibbs ordered. “If you don’t calm down, the nurses are going to come in here and give you a shot that’s going to knock you on your ass. I know you don’t want that.”
Tony shook his head. “No, I don’t.”
“Then I want you to hear me out.”
“All right.”
“Tony, I’m not going to tell you what to do. I don’t want you to think about all the stipulations that Davenport has put on this deal; I just want you to think about what you want to do. None of us are willing to see you sell your soul to the devil and no matter what your decision, we will stand by you.”
Tony continued to stare into the piercing blue eyes of the team leader. He knew that the team would stand by him, but he wasn’t sure that he could live with himself knowing that he’d be responsible for destroying their lives as well as his. There had to be another solution.
“I need to think,” he said.
“All right,” Gibbs agreed. “You’ve only got a few hours though. McGee is supposed to call Davenport back in just under 5 hours.”
Tony nodded. “Can you…leave me alone for…a few minutes?”
“Yeah. I’ll be right outside if you need me.”
Tony watched as Gibbs stepped out of his room. Once he was alone, he began to replay the conversation that he had just had with Gibbs in his mind. Tony hated himself for allowing his emotional floodgate to burst open, revealing to the ex-Marine some of his most private thoughts. If his decision only affected him, he would have no trouble telling the SecNav where to stick his deal, but ultimately, his decision would affect everybody that he cared about and he wasn’t willing to take that chance.
He heard familiar voices arguing outside his door. Although Gibbs was trying to be quiet, Tony could sense the anger in the ex-sniper’s voice. Who was he talking to? Tony listened carefully.
“It can’t be,” he whispered to himself. “Why would he be here?” Tony wasn’t sure that things could get any worse. That solution that he had been searching for was becoming abundantly clear; he just wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to pull it off surrounded by nurses and equipment that could save his life.