TITLE: Dear Dad
AUTHOR: Sage Harper (aka Erehwon6)
PAIRING: Gibbs/Ducky, Abby/McGee (implied Abby/Tony, in the past)
GENRE: Gen (with some implied slash & het)
SUB-GENRE: established relationship.
WORD COUNT: 2006
WARNINGS: bit of angst
SPOILERS: Hmm only vague references to ‘Hiatus’ & ‘Judgement day’.
SUMMARY: Five letters in the team wrote on fathers day.
DISCLAIMER: All the good stuff belongs to Don McGill et all, I'm just borrowing and will put them back when I've finished.
AUTHOUR'S NOTES Written for challenge #30 - five things, and
psych30 ‘Daddy Issues’, follows my Lola story arch.
Hey Dad, it’s that time of year again.
The one where we pretend that you’re a loving supportive parent to your only son, and vice versa; so it’ll look good to your country club buddies, remember?
Thing is, I can’t make it this year, I’ve got plans.
Not sure if you know, what with you having never acknowledged it, but I’m a dad now too. The shameful son spawning illegitimate offspring, oh the horror. What would the shareholders say?
They say having a kid makes you understand your parents; but Dad I look at Lola (that’s her name, you see, my daughter), and I feel so much love, loyalty, that I would die for her. And know that I could never say or do to her any of the things you did to me.
I know what you’re thinking, and you’re probably not far wrong. I screw up stuff all the damn time, just ask Director Shepherd, oh wait you can’t because …
Anyway, my point is, actually I have two points;
First up, I am doing everything in my power not to make the mistakes you did, that I did in every other relationship. I know we’re all flawed, that I will make mistakes, but you only get one shot at this. So I have to get it right.
The other thing is; I forgive you, for the stuff you did. And even if that’s not true right now it will be one day. Life is too short and dangerous to be hauling around so much negativity about stuff that happened years ago and you can’t do anything about. It’s OK, I don’t want some embarrassing made for TV style heartfelt reunion. Or to have deep bond sessions, as we don’t have anything much in common so yeah what’s to bond over? But I just thought it’d be the decent thing to let you know I’m doing good.
Maybe I’ll see again sometime.
Your son,
Tony
---
Kelly,
I know most people send cards to their dads, not the other way round, but we’re not most people.
Well it’s been another year, and I still miss you as much as ever. That’s never gonna go away. I know I did heaps of bad things in life, wonder what I was thinking, swear to never do again, but you will never be one of them.
I hope you and Shannon Mom are OK. That you’re doing fine and looking out for each other as always. That you’re happy, safe, learning, growing up; but don’t change too much, or we won’t recognise each other when we meet up again.
The biggest news my end is that Abby’s little girl is a whole year old already. The time has gone so fast, the way it always did when you were that age. We had a birthday party for her, the whole team was there. Sometimes it makes me feel like you were here again; you’d really like her, she’s a great baby. Thinks I’m her grandpa, can you imagine. I can imagine how you’d tease, Maddie does. And Ducky too, even though he’s in the same boat.
We’re both still hanging in there, me and Duck. It’s not the best situation, but we’re doing good and are happy. That’s all you can want for in life really. I hope you understand, now that you’re older. So don’t worry that I’m sad all the time, or that I’ve forgotten you.
I love you, always
Daddy
---
Father
My colleagues are very interested in fathers day, making their arrangements with their respective parents or such equivalent. Some have asked me of my plans, but I made no comment, so they assume there is no such thing in Israel. It is ironic perhaps that it is second nature for me to lie and keep secrets about important things, but to feel guilty and awkward hiding this. Which is partly why I am writing you this letter, and also in part to make my peace with you.
I am sorry...
For being me stubborn, awkward, in the middle me. Never as strong as Ari, not as sweet as Tali. At least you had the decency not to pretend there were no favourites.
For coming here, turning away from Mossad, away from the family. For how did you repay me? But don’t flatter yourself, what you did was nothing compared to what G-D meted out with Ari’s fate.
For having this new life in America. With these people who for all their inherent eccentricities, neuroticism, failings and down right stupidity have allowed me to earn a place amongst them. That I let my guard down enough to take it. To fall back into the arms of another family without looking back, as if it was some exercise of trust.
For falling in love with a goy, twice. As if there was ever any doubt that I would not follow the prescribed role of dutiful wife and mother. That my heart and head have become so rooted here that my instinct was to fight returning to Israel. I cannot even call it home any more.
For turning away from my mother, my innocent family, I shall never forgive myself of that. But to turn away from you, that I feel nothing.
For even writing this letter. I know you will not care or understand. That I am weak, letting emotions cloud me, to feel so much. That despite everything which happened there is still a part of me who is like a little girl, wanting her father to be a loving perfect hero.
I shall burn this, and not write to you again.
Ziva David
----
Gibbso,
I don’t know if you’ll get this, because you pretty much never check you emails. So if you don’t reply by the weekend I’ll print it out and give it to you in person. Then you can’t ignore it, because hey I’m a hard person to ignore. I learnt that from you.
Anyway, getting to the point.
Are you free this Sunday?
OK that’s probably a dumb question, all things considered. Because it’s fathers day and you don’t have a dad around any more and always make time for Kelly. I just didn’t want for you to be sad, alone, and with no plans. So I ran it by Tim, and he thinks it’d be real great if you and Duckman came over for lunch. Well actually I thought all that, he just agreed with me because he knows I’m always right. Except the two times I was wrong. But Tim was right then. So between us we’re always right.
Lola thought it was great too. You know how she’s always happy to see you guys and that you feel better for hanging out with her. It was so funny today, I head a bunch of noobs talking round the caff-pow machine about how scary you are. They should see you in Grandpa mode, about as scary as a kitten. But maybe that wouldn’t be good, you need to keep your image.
Oh yeah and like vaguely related, me & Tim have some major news to tell you. It’s so awesome I’m practically exploding with the awesomeness of it. Actually Tim doesn’t know yet, I’m going to surprise him. A good surprise, don’t worry. So then I can tell all my best guys together.
Before you ask my folks aren’t going to be here. I think it’s mostly because they’re still weird about the situation with me & Tim, and me being all disappointing for getting the marriage and babies thing round the wrong way. But I don’t care, because it’s not their life. But also they already got invited to lunch with my doofus brother and his girlfriend, so if you hear on the news about a big ass house fire in Jefferson Parish started by someone trying to make dinner, it’ll probably have been them. My dad for some reason really likes her, maybe because I went to college and all so he appreciates finally having a woman around who doesn’t argue with him.
So yeah, Sunday, please say you’ll come.
I’ll even put on my sexy Martha Stewart apron and bake you your favourite cake … do you even have a favourite?
Wow I typed all that in like twenty seconds, gotta be a new world record. As you probably guessed I gave up quitting caff-pow.
See you Sunday, I hope.
Your most favourite honorary baby girl,
Abby
----
Ducky,
OK umm this is going to be really weird; I just thought I’d warn you of that in advance. If you don’t read any more of it I totally understand.
You see, the thing is, I never had a dad. I mean obviously I have a father, everyone does. Well except if you got cloned or something maybe, but I don’t think they’ve cloned any people yet. But anyway.
I didn’t like it at school. When all the other kids had their dads to hang out with, play catch, take to the father & son picnics. My father, well let’s just say when he was around he would never have gone to one of those, and I wouldn’t really have wanted him to. My mom is a great lady, she did her best, but it’s not the same.
Anyway you can’t change the past, so I don’t think about that. I try not to anyway.
What I mean to say, is that DNA doesn’t count for much when it comes to being a parent. I’m sure you know that already. I look at McGee and think he’s doing a real good job taking care of Lola. I hope that if I was in that situation I would be as good a dad.
Which is sort of my point, about you.
I just want to say a really huge thank you, more than you can ever know, for all the things you have done. For taking me on and teaching me stuff, which I know was your job but you didn’t have to do so much work and be so nice. Nobody has ever done that for me before, except my mom but she kind of has to.
Then for you to put me through medical school, because you could see what I could achieve before even I had any idea. That was the best gift ever. Having a chance to succeed, to think that I could. I won’t let you down.
It’s not just work stuff that you teach me, but about life too. Which is just as important. I know that I can ask you anything and you won’t laugh or judge me. But give me the answer that I need, eventually, maybe with a story too. The way you made me feel OK about just being me, ‘to thyself be true’ as you said, and not compare myself to like Tony or Tim or whoever. Because that never ends well.
I’m also real glad you made agent Gibbs less scary. He’s always so happy to see you, now that you guys have made up and everything, and then ends up being nicer to me. I think he feels like I’m properly part of the team now. Then there’s all the other stuff that’s just about perspective; getting an insight into the good you see in him. And feeling a stronger person myself so that I can look him in the eye.
And as I thought this all over, to sit down and write this letter, because I knew you’d like a real letter you can hold and re read (I like them best too) Well I thought all those things were what a good father does.
I know it’s a bit cliché, but you are like a dad to me … I really like that, and hope you can understand in the spirit it was intended, that we can work together and be friends for a long while yet.
Yours truly,
Jimmy