fuck it all
i dont know what to do anymore all of my friends are having problems. Its like im helping everyone but myself. i can only express myself through singing or writing. My psychologist says that im on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I JUST TURNED 15! im not old enough for an emotional breakdown. i've bitten my toung on everything thats going on around me. my friends problems and my problems to. my mom just moved to florida. im so scared i dont know whats going to happen now. no one can understand what goes on in my home... in my mind....while my mom was here i treaded her like shit. glenda(my psychologist) says that its because she is the only person which it felt safe for me to take it out on. i dont know what im going to do i cant even ask my dad to take me to the doctors without breaking out in tears i just feel trapt. i dont know how much longer i can do this. now im with them 24/7 and i know that my life is going to be a whole lot different. now they are saying that i may not be able to go see my mom this summer. i just cant stop crying and it feels like all this shit in my life is never going to end. honestly i just want to feel accepted or at least like im a part of this family. i just want to be wanted. Im tired of being the fat ugly kid in school. i hide under my ozzy jacket all the time because i dont want people to see how fat i am. instead i sit and burn to death in that fuckin jacket! chrunches, situps, starvation.... nothing is working! maybe im jsut meant to be this way. its gotten to the point where i cant take it anymore and the littlest thing sets me off. my teacher said something and i went off ( got two days iss) chubacca said something to me the other day and i went off to myself and just cried and i know he was just kiddin. i dont know what my problem is. guess i just need to toughen up a bit. i just want it all to stop no matter what it takes. i cant do this anymore. im sorry everyone. maybe this can explain what im going through better then i can