So JeN's pissed at me...
...because I got mad b/c she tried to turn a discussion we were having
into something religious. She fucking knows that we don't talk
religion, just for that reason. We don't agree, and we get mad. So now
she's not talking to me...which means no one is. Of course...whenever I
*really* need someone, no one's around. Isn't that always the fucking
way. Everyone just leaves at the worst possible time, just like
Bonnie...
In other news, don't anyone expect to see me when I come up. There's no point. What I really want...what I need, to be able to walk away from this part of my life happily, is (and this is going to sound so shallow) just a little bit of intimacy. Just something above and beyond "Oh but I'm your friend." I need to feel something different from that, something a little bit more rare. I mean, I appreciate my friends, but (and no offense to anyone) after five years I damn well better have a few. Moving around as much as I did, I know how to make friends. I don't need to be reminded that I have them; the fact that I'm still alive and (somewhat) sane reminds me of my friends. Friends don't make me feel special, they make me feel human. Which (usually) is enough; more than enough. Right now, though...I need to feel special.
Women are my kryptonite. I'm a sucker for them, and I do stupid things for them. Hell, everything else I want in life I want exclusively because it's a means to provide. Most of my friends are women; I understand women better than men. They are the core of my world, the focus around which all other points revolve. I would forgo food and water for the companionship and intimacy of a woman simply because food and water just keep me alive; that companionship and intimacy make me feel special...and that's what's important to me. That's what I want to feel before I leave: companionship; intimacy; special.
In other news, don't anyone expect to see me when I come up. There's no point. What I really want...what I need, to be able to walk away from this part of my life happily, is (and this is going to sound so shallow) just a little bit of intimacy. Just something above and beyond "Oh but I'm your friend." I need to feel something different from that, something a little bit more rare. I mean, I appreciate my friends, but (and no offense to anyone) after five years I damn well better have a few. Moving around as much as I did, I know how to make friends. I don't need to be reminded that I have them; the fact that I'm still alive and (somewhat) sane reminds me of my friends. Friends don't make me feel special, they make me feel human. Which (usually) is enough; more than enough. Right now, though...I need to feel special.
Women are my kryptonite. I'm a sucker for them, and I do stupid things for them. Hell, everything else I want in life I want exclusively because it's a means to provide. Most of my friends are women; I understand women better than men. They are the core of my world, the focus around which all other points revolve. I would forgo food and water for the companionship and intimacy of a woman simply because food and water just keep me alive; that companionship and intimacy make me feel special...and that's what's important to me. That's what I want to feel before I leave: companionship; intimacy; special.