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[nbjones]

Ugh, I think I spoke too soon...see? I'm so not happy right now. I'm unhappy and I feel that heavy, nasty, feeling coming back over me. I've become super lazy over the past few months. Not that I'm lazy...it's more like I'm really, really not interested in doing a damn thing. I sleep most of the day or watch tv. No joke. That is all I do. I have to

Comments

[nbjones]

i understand about some people viewing it as a weakness. some people act as if its not a real problem...like you can cheer up and "feel better". it hurts me very much to hear that your parents had you lie and say that your suicide attempt was accidental. i didn't sleep at all that night... i know it was far from accidental and i'm so so happy you're ok today. but if nothing else made them understand how serious this is, i figured it would be something like that. i'm sorry.

yeah its different for everyone. medications works sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. sometimes it takes a bunch to find something that works. its a personal decision though. for me i've just learned it might be best because i get really out of control a lot. i'm glad you can deal with it a little better now though. i think i know what you mean by that though... over the years i've matured and gotten used to it...so i learned different ways to handle it. maybe its not what you meant but... either way i'm glad you're stronger.

i am glad that you shared your perspective with me and i know i could talk to you abotu these things if i need to. thank you <3

lol...but where did you come from? i didn't even know you still read lj entries. you should post again...

[infinite_rage]

Yea that's basically what I meant. There was a month this year that I could say I was happy...er content. Nothing was different really. Things were just as bad as they always were, but I was able to put myself in a different mind state. Though looking back I think when I felt I was brushing off anything unimportant I was actually just "bottling" it up again. That month came from me trying to force myself to be happy so to speak. I was sick of everyone telling me life is what you make it and to be happy you have to want to be and things of that nature. I tried...failed...and realized once again some things work for some and some don't. I still try not to focus on the negative, but it's quite difficult sometimes when there is so much. I just try to get through life a day at a time lately. And at times I feel sort of like a robot or something. I go to school, go to work, handle whatever business needed to be done that day, and go to sleep. And the whole time I try not to let any negative shit get me down, but with little to nothing to bring me up I'm just kind of there. Does that make any sense? Anyways...lol...you can definitely talk to me whenever you need.

Honestly I don't know what made me come to LJ last night. I forgot all about it for the longest time and then a few months ago I signed in and read some entries and once again forgot about it. I think I may start my LJ back up except I know how lazy I am sometimes to type what I have to say. I always start to blog and then decide not to.