"I'll start tomorrow" really means I won't start at all....
I've gone back to exactly what I've been doing since before I left for deployment.
...NOTHING...
I woke up late afternoon as usual, just been lazy all night long as usual, and shivering at home with an empty fireplace.
I realized I only occupy 6'x4' of space in the living room when I'm home.
There's a lot of problems I can easily identify, but not a lot of solutions to address them. The end of the year is coming and it's that time of reflecting on what I've done in the past year.
Although I've been deployed for most of the year, I still don't feel I've done what I wanted. Which was to focus on getting my skills back concerning art. I managed to get some inspiration while I was away, but I pretty much lost it after coming home. At least over there, I was busy and looked forward to just sketching anything.
Even chatting with friends, some gave me what I really needed to hear. My skills have gone down since I left for the Army, with my current skills, I wouldn't get into their company, and most of all, if I wanted to draw, then DRAW!
I have the problem of comparing myself to other artists I've met in the past. I forget look at others as inspiration instead of as my competition. Just looking at the names of my ol' classmates in books, movie credits, and even their own self-published work, just makes me...... so depressed. I don't even have a portfolio.
I easily lose interest in my work about 20 minutes after developing it. The last project I worked on just happened to be figures, which I was not so fine with. It was more like as soon as I see the flaws in my work half-way through, I instantly want to scrap it, instead of making the fixes to it. Even if it's in Photoshop. Just the thought of all the work I've done has been wasted just makes me want to burn my work.
I know I need to draw more, re-learn the basics, all over again. But, honestly, I don't see myself doing anything else. Military life is not the life for me. As soon as my contract is over, I'm outs. I'll be past my 8-year obligation from the initial enlistment, and I'll have whatever for my GI Bill.
I really just need to move the heck outta home. There's nothing worse than having to go back to live with my parents till I get back on my feet again. Plus, most of my cousins are either married, have kids, or on their career. And here I am, still trying to make something of myself.
Honestly, I just need to leave. Change of scenery. And so, the South Bay is my next destination as soon as I move. I can't live in S.F. again. It's just too crowded for me, friends I've made there are doing their own thing, and I'm stuck pursuing my dream.
But this is good. Because I really want to move on with my life.
In other news, I've my goals to finish at least 3 of my RPG's.
Persona 3 FES
Persona 4
Final Fantasy XIII
Mass Effect 2
I need to get out of here. It's driving me nuts.
...NOTHING...
I woke up late afternoon as usual, just been lazy all night long as usual, and shivering at home with an empty fireplace.
I realized I only occupy 6'x4' of space in the living room when I'm home.
There's a lot of problems I can easily identify, but not a lot of solutions to address them. The end of the year is coming and it's that time of reflecting on what I've done in the past year.
Although I've been deployed for most of the year, I still don't feel I've done what I wanted. Which was to focus on getting my skills back concerning art. I managed to get some inspiration while I was away, but I pretty much lost it after coming home. At least over there, I was busy and looked forward to just sketching anything.
Even chatting with friends, some gave me what I really needed to hear. My skills have gone down since I left for the Army, with my current skills, I wouldn't get into their company, and most of all, if I wanted to draw, then DRAW!
I have the problem of comparing myself to other artists I've met in the past. I forget look at others as inspiration instead of as my competition. Just looking at the names of my ol' classmates in books, movie credits, and even their own self-published work, just makes me...... so depressed. I don't even have a portfolio.
I easily lose interest in my work about 20 minutes after developing it. The last project I worked on just happened to be figures, which I was not so fine with. It was more like as soon as I see the flaws in my work half-way through, I instantly want to scrap it, instead of making the fixes to it. Even if it's in Photoshop. Just the thought of all the work I've done has been wasted just makes me want to burn my work.
I know I need to draw more, re-learn the basics, all over again. But, honestly, I don't see myself doing anything else. Military life is not the life for me. As soon as my contract is over, I'm outs. I'll be past my 8-year obligation from the initial enlistment, and I'll have whatever for my GI Bill.
I really just need to move the heck outta home. There's nothing worse than having to go back to live with my parents till I get back on my feet again. Plus, most of my cousins are either married, have kids, or on their career. And here I am, still trying to make something of myself.
Honestly, I just need to leave. Change of scenery. And so, the South Bay is my next destination as soon as I move. I can't live in S.F. again. It's just too crowded for me, friends I've made there are doing their own thing, and I'm stuck pursuing my dream.
But this is good. Because I really want to move on with my life.
In other news, I've my goals to finish at least 3 of my RPG's.
Persona 3 FES
Persona 4
Final Fantasy XIII
Mass Effect 2
I need to get out of here. It's driving me nuts.