Ill give you babies
"If I could have spent the night with you I would have
ignore the neglcted heart, for a mere friendship would
never tear us apart. I miss you already dearest deepest
dream of soul, I feel like its back to the past and I
jynxed a wilted cold"
So here I go:
I wish I was not in Golden Ass, it drives me insane. My grades SUCK. I have NO money. I am sick again...not one person knows...but I am sick again so there is why I am being this way. I AM SICK of being used. It will no longer happen. Im moody as of right now and I wish someone was here controling what I type becasue it could end up ugly on a few aspects of things. I am SOOOOO happy with someone roght now...I sometimes wonder if I give too much to people becasue asking for one SMALL thing in return ruins everything. I dont get why it wont happen. Some PEOPLE who I dont even know PISS the living shit out of me beacsue they just LOVVVVVEEE to ruin my life. All I have ever asked God for was to be fucking happy. Thats it thats the only thing I have ever asked for...Am I really a happy person or just a bunch of energy thrown into a personality....I know by tomrrow at like 11am I will have recovered from my tiny tantrum I have just thrown, beavsue that is who I am I just get over things easy. I RAREEEEELY get mad...I have yet to see if I ammad yet or if this is a venting session on LJ to relieve any vocalization on the compueter screen.
Its fun to vent out on a computer...I dont have to open my mouth once, nor look somsone in the eyes, I dont have to ge ad and throw shit, or comfront some dirty whore with my fist in her face. Nope I can let it alll out here and only people who have chosen to read this far...people who care enough to read...will have had to listen to me bitch and moan.
I was reallllll upset...Jen called and came to see me. Bethany Imed me and was asked what was wrong, and Meg told me the positve aspect of things. Its people like that who I guess I never really mention to talk about in tantrums. These are the people who take the vocal tantrums I throw and help me get through them so I can vent on screen like now.
Sometines i JUST WANT TO SCREAM AND TELL EVERYONE MY PROBLEMS especially those who it involves, but I dont beacsue I am me and when asked..."whats the matter" I say "nothing" in fear that what I say may be used either againt me or again the realtionship I hold with this person or group of people. I am FULLLLLL of fear. I fear everything especially when It comes to the people I care about most. If you ask me "whats the matter" and i say "nothing" 99% of the time its beacsue I CARE too much and dont want to say the wrong thing to trigger a fight, becasue once I am triggered I dont stop with my point.
Its simple as to say: I just dont understand and probably never will.
ignore the neglcted heart, for a mere friendship would
never tear us apart. I miss you already dearest deepest
dream of soul, I feel like its back to the past and I
jynxed a wilted cold"
So here I go:
I wish I was not in Golden Ass, it drives me insane. My grades SUCK. I have NO money. I am sick again...not one person knows...but I am sick again so there is why I am being this way. I AM SICK of being used. It will no longer happen. Im moody as of right now and I wish someone was here controling what I type becasue it could end up ugly on a few aspects of things. I am SOOOOO happy with someone roght now...I sometimes wonder if I give too much to people becasue asking for one SMALL thing in return ruins everything. I dont get why it wont happen. Some PEOPLE who I dont even know PISS the living shit out of me beacsue they just LOVVVVVEEE to ruin my life. All I have ever asked God for was to be fucking happy. Thats it thats the only thing I have ever asked for...Am I really a happy person or just a bunch of energy thrown into a personality....I know by tomrrow at like 11am I will have recovered from my tiny tantrum I have just thrown, beavsue that is who I am I just get over things easy. I RAREEEEELY get mad...I have yet to see if I ammad yet or if this is a venting session on LJ to relieve any vocalization on the compueter screen.
Its fun to vent out on a computer...I dont have to open my mouth once, nor look somsone in the eyes, I dont have to ge ad and throw shit, or comfront some dirty whore with my fist in her face. Nope I can let it alll out here and only people who have chosen to read this far...people who care enough to read...will have had to listen to me bitch and moan.
I was reallllll upset...Jen called and came to see me. Bethany Imed me and was asked what was wrong, and Meg told me the positve aspect of things. Its people like that who I guess I never really mention to talk about in tantrums. These are the people who take the vocal tantrums I throw and help me get through them so I can vent on screen like now.
Sometines i JUST WANT TO SCREAM AND TELL EVERYONE MY PROBLEMS especially those who it involves, but I dont beacsue I am me and when asked..."whats the matter" I say "nothing" in fear that what I say may be used either againt me or again the realtionship I hold with this person or group of people. I am FULLLLLL of fear. I fear everything especially when It comes to the people I care about most. If you ask me "whats the matter" and i say "nothing" 99% of the time its beacsue I CARE too much and dont want to say the wrong thing to trigger a fight, becasue once I am triggered I dont stop with my point.
Its simple as to say: I just dont understand and probably never will.