(no subject)
Ahhh...I have 4 new fics running around in my head and they all want to come out. What's a girl to do?!? Oh well, while I'm contimplating my fate I am going to start posting my old fics here. They can also be found under nazdre on MW.
So here is my first QAF fic ever...
Searching for Something
Justin walked down the unfamiliar street. He felt so many emotions boiling within him. He felt SCARED… ALONE … LOST. The one thing he didn’t feel was confused. Oh no, he wasn’t confused. He knew exactly who he was, what he was. He was gay. And that scared him. Not because he thought it was wrong, or was afraid of his feelings, but because he was afraid of what his parents would do when they found out. He had been hiding it for so long, but he was afraid his mother was beginning to suspect. Did he want her to know? Is that why he had been leaving things out in his room where he knew she would find them? Things like his sketchbook? His sketchbook was private, full of his private thoughts and desires. Yet he would leave it out in his room when he wasn’t there. And he had no delusions as to whether his mother went though his stuff when he wasn’t there. He knew she did. After all, he was her son, and their relationship lately seemed to have become strained. He knew she wanted to know what was bothering him, but how could he tell her? How could he make her understand that he would never have a girlfriend, never get married, never give her grandkids? How could he make her understand that he was gay?
And God, how that made him feel alone. He hadn’t told anyone, not his parents, not his sister, not even his best friend Daphne. Sure Daph probably suspected, but he still hadn’t told her. He hadn’t confessed his fears, his concerns, his secrets. Having no one to share these things with made Justin feel isolated. He knew he could tell Daphne…should tell Daphne. She would support him, encourage him. But he couldn’t. Not yet. There was something he needed to do first, find first. But what was it?
He felt so lost. Not physically. He knew exactly where he was. But emotionally he was a wreck. He knew he was looking for something, searching for something. But he didn’t know what that something was. He just knew that something was missing in his life and that he wouldn’t be complete until he found that missing part of himself.
Justin continued walking down the street. There were so many people here…strange people. Why did he come here? What made him think this could possibly be a good idea? Suddenly all his feelings started rushing up and he had to stop. If he took another step he just might collapse under all that he was feeling. He leaned against a post. Suddenly he was surrounded by light. It made him feel warm and safe.
He closed his eyes and when he opened them the most gorgeous man he had ever seen was walking toward him. “Oh god, oh god, what do I do, what do I do?” he thought.
“Where are you heading?” asked the man.
“No place special,” Justin replied.
“I can change that.”
And looking into the man’s eyes Justin knew exactly what it was he had been searching for. Home. And he had found it. Taking the man’s hand he let him lead him. Justin didn’t know what exactly the night held for him. But he did know one thing. He was finally home, and his life would never be the same again.