Kanda's memories // looking back to D.Gray-man chapters 186-192
I feel like ranting today, so please ignore it if you're not interested. The issue just couldn't leave my head for the past few days.
The question is: does Kanda actually remember everything that happened with him and Alma in the past? I looked back to the previous chapters and it doesn't seem that obvious anymore.
( Spoilers under the cut )
The question is: does Kanda actually remember everything that happened with him and Alma in the past? I looked back to the previous chapters and it doesn't seem that obvious anymore.
( Spoilers under the cut )
You know, another possibility just came to me. What if Kanda was so scarred for life after he killed Alma that he simply wanted to forget all of it and suffered trauma or whatever and he actually doesn't remember everything on his own? D: Also, 9 years have passed since then, and people use to forget things over time naturally (especialy about the things they went through as kids). Maybe Kanda remembers all of it just vaguely, and the Noah want to make the memories fresh again, forcing Kanda's feelings to resurface?
However, if the woman he sees (saw?) is the person he's looking for, I guess we could infer that either
A) his memories were hidden/deleted and so he's looking for her because he can still see her sometimes or he remembers seeing her and so he wants some answers from her (which he would -mostly- have if he knew about how his brain isn't, ah, in the right body?
That's what I thought, too - that he's looking for her because he wants some answers. Well, he wanted answers from her since he was a child, and he most likely hasn't found her yet, so it should be obvious. But If I were to dwell more on the possibilities here, then I could ask what kind of answers he's actually looking for?
When Kanda dreamed about Ai, he subconsciously extended his hand in the air, saying "I love you." By now we can conclude that it was Kanda in his previous life that was in love with her, not the Kanda now (even if it theoretically is the same person). To me, it seems more like as if Kanda 'knew' that he loves her more than 'felt' that he loves her. What if he wants to find Ai in order to ask her about these feelings, to know what they actually mean and understand them?
This brings up another question - does Kanda still see Ai from time to time and simply looks for her true self? Or did she stop to appear before him after he killed Alma and now he's looking for her in whatever form? Ai aside, what's with the lotus illusions?
B) his memories were only altered and he still remembers most things but in a different way (perhaps he still thinks they really are artificial apostles and knows nothing of the dead Exorcists whose brains were transplanted?) and so he's looking for her for whatever reason.
This also seems like a probable theory. Maybe Kanda isn't aware that he's died in the past. After all, he's died multiple times in his current body, only that his regenerating ability always brought him back. Maybe the Order mixed those things up somehow and made him think that he never died for good? D: *doesn't know how reasonable this sounds, but still*
When we saw those panels that seem to be right after Kanda killed Alma, I'd say Kanda seems to have killed him for a certain reason or belief or whatever that Alma was going against - perhaps something the ghost woman told him? Or remembered him of?
This could be true. After all, Kanda apologized to him for what he's done, clearly regretting it. It's as if he wanted to say, "sorry, that's the way things just had to go."
It was said that Alma went on rampage and started killing personel, right? Maybe it was Ai who asked Kanda to protect them? Maybe Ai is the one who doesn't hold any grudges against the Order and wanted Kanda to stay with them and help them? And Kanda decided to trust her...
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Yes, I thought that it could also be the woman who put Kanda to sleep, but... Somehow it doesn't seem likely to me. And it surely isn't Renee, since Kanda is aware where she is, isn't he?
Maybe she promised Kanda something that they failed to do even though he killed Alma? (maybe it's something they're still working on? I didn't get that impression, though, from the way Bak talked. It seemed something that has already failed - and since they're talking about the 3rd Exorcists, could that promise be something like "don't do that kind of experiments anymore"? Kanda seems to never have expected them to keep it, if that's what it is. or maybe he just doesn't blame Bak and the underlings?)
This seems very likely. I assume tha's exactly the promise the Chan family made to Kanda. And they didn't keep it, but it's not really their fault. Revellier is the one to blame, so I guess Kanda isn't mad at Bak for it.
However, this reminded me of a certain line in one of the DGM novels - one where Kanda says something like, "all I care about is destroying the akuma". Could it be that's exactly how it is?
I'm confused now. D: Would Kanda be the type to hold a grudge against the Akuma for killing him/taking part in the holy war/whatever? Somehow I have a feeling there's more to it than that.
>.< My rant keeps getting longer and longer, and I'm afraid I'm starting to confuse myself and saying things that don't make sense... ah, whatever. If I say something stupid, feel free to whack my head all you want and beat some sense back into me.
You make perfect sense so far. :)
I think so too. Or rather, I don't know what to think. At first I was beginning to feel convinced that Kanda only partly remembered things, but now it seems his present actions wouldn't make much sense unless he remembered it all.
I'm really starting to think that the Noah want to awaken Alma with the help of Kanda's memories and make Alma become the Noah of Wrath. It would be actually interesting. And Kanda would be rolyally screwed if that were the case.
Also, because of Marian's words: "there's another side to this war", I'm starting to think that Allen (with the help of the 14th?) will leave the Order (triggered by what he saw in Kanda's memoreis) but won't join the Noah and simply make a side of his own. And who knows, maybe Kanda will join him (as much as my Yullen fangirl side would like it to happen), and maybe not only Kanda. I'm sure Komui, Bak and all of the Exorcists would be pleased with this decision, too (and Revellier could go fuck himself with his way of doing things. xd)
But yeah, we'll find about the truth eventaully, all we have left is to wait for the next chapters. I can't wait to see what happens when the three return from the whole memory thing.
Thank you for the wonderful rant~ :D *hugs*
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About Ai:
I think there might be some sort of promise between the dead Exorcist whose brain is Kanda's (or beforedeath!Kanda? huh...) and Ai. Something along the lines of "once the war is gone, come back to me". And maybe he never did confess his love to her before he died, and so Kanda wants to see her to tell her that? That the person he once was she had known had loved her? so the past is settled? Or something?
And I can't help but think the lotuses were important to her, or something, and that's why Kanda sees them. Maybe the fact that he sees them is just his mind trying to unlock/push to the front the memories of his dead self? But in that case, I think the lotus in the hourglass would be different/have a different meaning... it has to be different from the others he sees anyway, doesn't it? From what I read in the novel, I guess it was implied that the lotus is not tied to Kanda's life, but... ah, this is such a big mess. >.<
However, this reminded me of a certain line in one of the DGM novels - one where Kanda says something like, "all I care about is destroying the akuma". Could it be that's exactly how it is?
I'm confused now. D: Would Kanda be the type to hold a grudge against the Akuma for killing him/taking part in the holy war/whatever? Somehow I have a feeling there's more to it than that.
I... don't think it would be a grudge against the akuma - more something like a sense of duty. "I am an exorcist therefore I destroy akuma" or something. Or, once again, if he had made a promise to Ai to see her after the war was over, as long as there are akuma, the war can't be considered finished, can it?
I'm really starting to think that the Noah want to awaken Alma with the help of Kanda's memories and make Alma become the Noah of Wrath. It would be actually interesting. And Kanda would be rolyally screwed if that were the case.
I don't think that's the case. Alma, a Noah? *frowns* I can see... and it makes sense... why that might be the case. Skinn died, the Noah mentioned the fact that they needed to find the replacement for the dead brother, and now they're here intending to wake up Alma. It's mighty suspicious. But.... my gut feeling keeps making me think about how Alma was used/created as an experiment and how we have no idea how the new body was created, and so even though the brain is originally from a normal human, I can't help but doubt that theory.
Also, because of Marian's words: "there's another side to this war", I'm starting to think that Allen (with the help of the 14th?) will leave the Order (triggered by what he saw in Kanda's memoreis) but won't join the Noah and simply make a side of his own. And who knows, maybe Kanda will join him (as much as my Yullen fangirl side would like it to happen), and maybe not only Kanda. I'm sure Komui, Bak and all of the Exorcists would be pleased with this decision, too (and Revellier could go fuck himself with his way of doing things. xd)
THAT. THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT I'VE BEEN THINKING ALL THIS TIME. I even mentioned this theory in my own rant about this chapter and on MSN to the people I was talking to. xD
I'm very happy to know I was not the only one to think this. xDD
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