because I remembered it existed...
For whatever reason I've decided I wanted to write in here. I don't think any of my friends actually use this anymore... myspace has pretty much taken over everyone's lives. I haven't been on myspace in over a month, I decided a few minutes ago that I'd log in, and I forgot my password. I tried a few times and apparently my site's been shut down for 15 min b/c of too many failed logins. heh. Maybe that's a sign.
I think it's time to create yet another journal that noone will know about... seriously this time. Maybe I'll write in an ACTUAL journal, none of this online shit. But this is so convenient...
(Random thought: I started thinking about old journals earlier and i remembered this one... and one my ex boyfriend had that only I knew about (it was one that was updated just for me to read) I wondered if it was still open and when it loaded the last post which I don't remember ever seeing simply said "you're a bitch" haha I wanted to leave a comment saying "thanks for using the correct "you are" contraction" but I thought that would be a little childish/ridiculous to say the least.)
"I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head.
Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread.
Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue.
Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young.
I'm just a stranger, even to myself.
A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf.
Don't be a fool girl, tell him you love him.
Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him."
I've decided I like the beat of this song...I don't know why, just something about it.
I talked to Matt the other day for a little while. He randomly calls me every once in a while and ends up leaving me a voicemail b/c I never have my phone on me when he calls. I was at work this time. He said he just wanted to talk since we hadn't talked in about 2 months or something. So I called him back on my break and talked to him for a few. It was nice. I miss him, not in an "I want to date him again" type of way (I don't think), but as a friend. It was nice having someone I could go to with practically anything. I'm sure I have that now, but I don't know. I don't trust myself I think... that probably only makes sense to me. (and it only partially makes sense even in my head.) Everything was just so comfortable and sure back then... heh I say "back then" as if it was so long ago. A whopping 5 months ago. I don't know. My life was just balanced, for lack of a better word.
Every time I think things are getting back on track they just kind of veer off path again... maybe one day everything will be perfect... I'll be able to have my cake and eat it too. But probably not. Oh the torture of being a pessimist.
Hopefully things will be better next year. I should be living with Devin again so I'll have her around. I miss living with people who ACTUALLY talk and hang out. This year and last year were lame in that respect. Oh well... my time here is almost over so that's something to look foward to...
"What have I become?
Something soft and really quite dumb.
Because I've fallen, oh, 'cuz I've fall-fallen, oh 'cuz I've fall-fall-fallen
So far away from the place where I started from."
I think it's time to create yet another journal that noone will know about... seriously this time. Maybe I'll write in an ACTUAL journal, none of this online shit. But this is so convenient...
(Random thought: I started thinking about old journals earlier and i remembered this one... and one my ex boyfriend had that only I knew about (it was one that was updated just for me to read) I wondered if it was still open and when it loaded the last post which I don't remember ever seeing simply said "you're a bitch" haha I wanted to leave a comment saying "thanks for using the correct "you are" contraction" but I thought that would be a little childish/ridiculous to say the least.)
"I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head.
Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread.
Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue.
Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young.
I'm just a stranger, even to myself.
A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf.
Don't be a fool girl, tell him you love him.
Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him."
I've decided I like the beat of this song...I don't know why, just something about it.
I talked to Matt the other day for a little while. He randomly calls me every once in a while and ends up leaving me a voicemail b/c I never have my phone on me when he calls. I was at work this time. He said he just wanted to talk since we hadn't talked in about 2 months or something. So I called him back on my break and talked to him for a few. It was nice. I miss him, not in an "I want to date him again" type of way (I don't think), but as a friend. It was nice having someone I could go to with practically anything. I'm sure I have that now, but I don't know. I don't trust myself I think... that probably only makes sense to me. (and it only partially makes sense even in my head.) Everything was just so comfortable and sure back then... heh I say "back then" as if it was so long ago. A whopping 5 months ago. I don't know. My life was just balanced, for lack of a better word.
Every time I think things are getting back on track they just kind of veer off path again... maybe one day everything will be perfect... I'll be able to have my cake and eat it too. But probably not. Oh the torture of being a pessimist.
Hopefully things will be better next year. I should be living with Devin again so I'll have her around. I miss living with people who ACTUALLY talk and hang out. This year and last year were lame in that respect. Oh well... my time here is almost over so that's something to look foward to...
"What have I become?
Something soft and really quite dumb.
Because I've fallen, oh, 'cuz I've fall-fallen, oh 'cuz I've fall-fall-fallen
So far away from the place where I started from."