Rome wasn't built in a day
Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither is trust. Like Rome, trust is not built with words; but with actions. Once again, like Rome, trust can be irrevocably broken.
We all value trust to one degree or another. Some people covet trust as if it's a delicately spun ornament of crystaline thread. Some people carry trust like a favorite worry stone in their pocket (it gets scratched by keys and change, but is pretty hard to actually break). Some people don't carry trust at all, it's not an accessory of theirs, so they cannot give it.
I happen to be one of those unfortunate souls that has the delicate crystaline thread ornament. I've had my trust in people broken time and time again. Needless to say, trust is most often given to those you love and care about; therefore, a much more hurtful thing to break.
I've gotten to a point where it takes me an excruciatingly long time to give someone my trust. And, in turn, it takes an excruciatingly long time to regain it from me once you've broken it. I wish I wasn't like this, I wish I didnt feel like I HAVE to be like this. I understand that at some point everyone near and dear in your life may break your trust in a small fractional amount that is hardly detrimental (sp?) to the relationship. But I've had the misfortune of feeling the blows of the disloyalty hammer, and dishonesty axe.. just a few too many times from a few too many people.
And now, I find myself in that same point when I thought I never would be again. I feel paranoid, I question everything now, everything I never used to. I sit here and wonder what's going on when I don't know, and I wonder what's being hidden or erased before I can see it (when in actuality there probably isn't anything to hide or erase anymore... at this point).
I just... really hate it.. And I hate wondering if it will happen again. I hate wondering if Ill be strong enough to do what I have to do if it does. And I hate wondering if it will ever be fixed and things will go back to normal.
We all value trust to one degree or another. Some people covet trust as if it's a delicately spun ornament of crystaline thread. Some people carry trust like a favorite worry stone in their pocket (it gets scratched by keys and change, but is pretty hard to actually break). Some people don't carry trust at all, it's not an accessory of theirs, so they cannot give it.
I happen to be one of those unfortunate souls that has the delicate crystaline thread ornament. I've had my trust in people broken time and time again. Needless to say, trust is most often given to those you love and care about; therefore, a much more hurtful thing to break.
I've gotten to a point where it takes me an excruciatingly long time to give someone my trust. And, in turn, it takes an excruciatingly long time to regain it from me once you've broken it. I wish I wasn't like this, I wish I didnt feel like I HAVE to be like this. I understand that at some point everyone near and dear in your life may break your trust in a small fractional amount that is hardly detrimental (sp?) to the relationship. But I've had the misfortune of feeling the blows of the disloyalty hammer, and dishonesty axe.. just a few too many times from a few too many people.
And now, I find myself in that same point when I thought I never would be again. I feel paranoid, I question everything now, everything I never used to. I sit here and wonder what's going on when I don't know, and I wonder what's being hidden or erased before I can see it (when in actuality there probably isn't anything to hide or erase anymore... at this point).
I just... really hate it.. And I hate wondering if it will happen again. I hate wondering if Ill be strong enough to do what I have to do if it does. And I hate wondering if it will ever be fixed and things will go back to normal.