(no subject)
I'm leaving this place of confusion and hopping a train (well to be honest a volkswagon jetta) north. For most of my socially conscious life I have viewed myself as nothing but an obligation to the world. My duties were as caretaker of friends and family, and more noteably- mentor. I suppose somehow I programmed my subconscious to be a faithful servant to humanity because I had to take care of my brother and even mother and father for so long. -always the mediator, caretaker and hopefull for my family. But like most things I impose upon myself, this spoiled inside me and left my brain for cottage cheese. I apologize to everyone for my blunders and faucades these past months. I have only been so confusing, because I have been so confused. If you feel as though you've lost me, it's because I have been lost. I gave all of myself away to a cause I couldn't aid, at the time I believed it was my duty and now in the midst of failure I realize that it was never my place, and it has only damaged my life and those who enter it, not excluding the cause itself. Sooner or later those others have contradicting needs and trying to fullfill them is impossible. Now I find myself blank. Before I lived completely for others, where as now I see the damage such a life can cause. So now, I've got to relearn who I am, and form some new plan for existence that doesnt require living solely as an obligation to others. Hence, I go. Time to live day to day as an obligation to myself and the general welfare of others, and to be free of my obligation to each individual in my life, obligations I can not fullfill.
Wish me luck.
Wish me luck.