Thinking out loud: The Ton
I've been reading a lot lately about "Verbally Abusive Relationships". I picked up a famous book about it in Borders a week and a bit ago. I've learnt that
a) Over 99% of the people who responded to a survey about being in an abusive relationship were female.
b) It is quite common for the abuser to convince the abused party that they are to blame
c) The biggest problem faced by abused parties seems to be realising they need to get out of the relationship and getting out!
It is quite scary realising that I am still being controlled by someone who left me two and a half years ago. But understanding the problem is a step forward in solving it.
I'm pretty sure that I shouldnt be discussing this with you.
It does however give me the opportunity to say almost everything else is looking up. Work is ok. I am coping ok. The house is untidy but clean. I have one good lodger and have been introduced to a rather nice woman who works near Liverpool street and wants a room from July. The car is driving fine despite being 50 miles off from 100 thousand miles. I have relatives in need but I dont feel like I *have* to help them. I have friends I would like to help, but they arent in desperate need, and they havent asked for my help. I'm on the antidepressants - but dont have any great urge to come off them. The side effects are managable.
I've lost touch with a lot of you this year. I've been concentrating on looking after myself first. I've missed pretty much every SF event I know of. But this shouldnt stop me from meeting up with you for picnics, and tea, and cake, and meals, and DIY, and games, and tickling. I definitely havent done enough of that. I hope it doesnt need to be said but just because I dont see you every other day doesnt mean you are any less of a friend in my book.
There are a few friends who are less comfortable with LJ and the net than I am and I hardly get to see them at all nowadays. It is good when we can make time.
a) Over 99% of the people who responded to a survey about being in an abusive relationship were female.
b) It is quite common for the abuser to convince the abused party that they are to blame
c) The biggest problem faced by abused parties seems to be realising they need to get out of the relationship and getting out!
It is quite scary realising that I am still being controlled by someone who left me two and a half years ago. But understanding the problem is a step forward in solving it.
I'm pretty sure that I shouldnt be discussing this with you.
It does however give me the opportunity to say almost everything else is looking up. Work is ok. I am coping ok. The house is untidy but clean. I have one good lodger and have been introduced to a rather nice woman who works near Liverpool street and wants a room from July. The car is driving fine despite being 50 miles off from 100 thousand miles. I have relatives in need but I dont feel like I *have* to help them. I have friends I would like to help, but they arent in desperate need, and they havent asked for my help. I'm on the antidepressants - but dont have any great urge to come off them. The side effects are managable.
I've lost touch with a lot of you this year. I've been concentrating on looking after myself first. I've missed pretty much every SF event I know of. But this shouldnt stop me from meeting up with you for picnics, and tea, and cake, and meals, and DIY, and games, and tickling. I definitely havent done enough of that. I hope it doesnt need to be said but just because I dont see you every other day doesnt mean you are any less of a friend in my book.
There are a few friends who are less comfortable with LJ and the net than I am and I hardly get to see them at all nowadays. It is good when we can make time.