Oct 27, 2010 00:07
Here's another one. I wrote this in August, the start of something much bigger. This is as far as I got.
Good way to catch up, though, huh?
+++
Often, I am humbled by the actions of humanity. Facing the middle of my life has been a challenge if not a struggle. At it's worst, I am speechless with grief, swimming in a deep sea of regrets, depression and sadness. At it's best are startling moments of clarity, epiphanies of the highest order. For the past five years of my life, I've lived three entire existences, three rivers poured one into another, then another. Despite the colossal curves thrown to me, I have persevered to this day and stand tall. However, I have fallen as of late, finally relenting to the sad state of affairs that surround me. As hope builds, despair washes away.
I was tracking the mess in the Gulf of Mexico for a while, confident that our government could put some fix in place, an enchantment to ward off the oily monster. I gave that up, if anything to clear the mud out of my journal, but mostly to throw away my obsession with disaster. In some respects, that was a pretty smart thing to do. 100 some-odd days in, hundreds of millions of theoretical gallons have risen from the ocean floor, the Gulf Coast economy lies in disarray, and hope has been reduced to a paper cup of the same promises we drank five years ago. That's nothing I really wanted to dwell on anyway. I chose to look inward, try on some introspection. My summer has been a criss-cross of trips to the Farm. The fig crop was terrible this year, by the way. The worst I've seen. We have a sugar thing now, but that's another story. In these visits to my parents, I've spent much time gazing into space. Actually, the space was really acres of country grass rolling under the wheels of my father's Dixie Chopper. Go look it up. Big motored hell-mower with a cup holder.