Random
I haven't posted in a while... I want to download pics, but I am too lazy...
Anyway, I have a verse for this year that God put on my heart... it is from the Message Bible (which I love)
Matthew 11:28-30
28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
This verse sums up my heart cry...I so want to live like this...
But what do I do? I try to come up with formula's to make it work, when there is no formula. And I get more and more frustrated, and wonder if I am depressed, and feel lazy, and then work really hard, thinking I will feel good (and I do for a moment) But "nothing works"
I am on a weight loss plan once again, and I am a week into it, so far so good... But I realized, that I am mourning a "loss" in this. My idea of fun is to eat junk food while reading a book... and I am seeing that I don't want quality, I want quantity (I was bulimic in high school... hence the quantity)
So I can't just sit down w/ a snack pack of m&ms... it will just drive me crazy and make me want more...
And if I look at my past, when I start doing well w/ weight loss, I let bad habits creep back, because that is my "fun" and when I look at maintaining a healthy weight, all my "fun" is gone.
So people tell me, get a hobby, find something to do. But to me, a hobby isn't fun, its work, and I don't like work...
Sigh
And I am mourning my "independence" the feeling that I don't want anyone telling me what to do, and I want to do whatever I want. Which is pride, and very sinful...
I do have a small glimmer of excitement however... I see that I have been trying to make my life work my way, doing the right things, etc. and then when I fail, I spiral down.
When I started researching eating healthier, and exercising more, and DH and I started to be better w/ our money, since we want to get out of debt faster, I started making plans, and figuring out schedules, and doing budgets (schedules and budgets, stuff i hate b/c its something telling me what to do)I felt the holy spirit say to me "Some trust in chariots and some in horses"
Weird huh? I see that once again, I was doing it all on my own thinking how proud God would be of me...
So while I need to be diligent, I also need to listen to Jesus, and find out what He would have me do day to day...
So I am taking life day to day, trying to enjoy my kids, enjoy the short time I have with my husband, and enjoy my Lord and Savior, and try to listen to Him with no religious or humanistic filter.
I hope this made some sense... It is pretty random, but it is where I am at now...
I want to learn how to walk in the "unforced rhythm of grace"
Anyway, I have a verse for this year that God put on my heart... it is from the Message Bible (which I love)
Matthew 11:28-30
28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
This verse sums up my heart cry...I so want to live like this...
But what do I do? I try to come up with formula's to make it work, when there is no formula. And I get more and more frustrated, and wonder if I am depressed, and feel lazy, and then work really hard, thinking I will feel good (and I do for a moment) But "nothing works"
I am on a weight loss plan once again, and I am a week into it, so far so good... But I realized, that I am mourning a "loss" in this. My idea of fun is to eat junk food while reading a book... and I am seeing that I don't want quality, I want quantity (I was bulimic in high school... hence the quantity)
So I can't just sit down w/ a snack pack of m&ms... it will just drive me crazy and make me want more...
And if I look at my past, when I start doing well w/ weight loss, I let bad habits creep back, because that is my "fun" and when I look at maintaining a healthy weight, all my "fun" is gone.
So people tell me, get a hobby, find something to do. But to me, a hobby isn't fun, its work, and I don't like work...
Sigh
And I am mourning my "independence" the feeling that I don't want anyone telling me what to do, and I want to do whatever I want. Which is pride, and very sinful...
I do have a small glimmer of excitement however... I see that I have been trying to make my life work my way, doing the right things, etc. and then when I fail, I spiral down.
When I started researching eating healthier, and exercising more, and DH and I started to be better w/ our money, since we want to get out of debt faster, I started making plans, and figuring out schedules, and doing budgets (schedules and budgets, stuff i hate b/c its something telling me what to do)I felt the holy spirit say to me "Some trust in chariots and some in horses"
Weird huh? I see that once again, I was doing it all on my own thinking how proud God would be of me...
So while I need to be diligent, I also need to listen to Jesus, and find out what He would have me do day to day...
So I am taking life day to day, trying to enjoy my kids, enjoy the short time I have with my husband, and enjoy my Lord and Savior, and try to listen to Him with no religious or humanistic filter.
I hope this made some sense... It is pretty random, but it is where I am at now...
I want to learn how to walk in the "unforced rhythm of grace"