Things a man can do that'll piss off/scare a woman half to death.
I posted this on the Zug forums, it got good reviews.
Pick nose, eat product.
Flick ear wax and eye crust at her in the morning.
Eat anything and everything with ketchup.
Turn 4 or 5 entertainment appliances at the same time, and complain if any one of them gets shut off (I was listening/watching/playing that)
Burp on command.
Get one of those nose clamps that MAKE you snore.
Buy a cuckoo clock.
Invest in a ferret.
Lick her while she's sleeping.
Try to kiss her with morning breath.
Keep trying to pork her while she's on the rag, complain about "his needs"
If he has kids, teach them how to be an anus to mom.
Invite the most annoying friends over every other night for dinner, always telling them to bring random people they know along. Expect her to cook.
Drink beer in the morning. Ask for scrambled eggs at night.
Call her at work every other hour, alternating the question between "Do you love me" and "Are you sure"
Say he's thinking about quitting his job and becoming a homemaker, and pursue his goal of happiness.
Gum. chew it and "forget" to leave it everywhere. Pillow is always a good place, as is kitchen floor, seats, and chest of drawers. Oh, and bathtub.
When going out to eat, tip the waitress with loose change. Even if it is a 40 dollar a plate eatery.
Tell all her friends about the time she had a period on a tour bus and had to wait 4 hours before changing.
Tell her that a particularly hot friend of hers is fetching, and that he "would hit that"
Ask her if it is okay for him to watch her while she goes no. 1 or 2. in the bathroom, because it really gets him off.
Pick nose, eat product.
Flick ear wax and eye crust at her in the morning.
Eat anything and everything with ketchup.
Turn 4 or 5 entertainment appliances at the same time, and complain if any one of them gets shut off (I was listening/watching/playing that)
Burp on command.
Get one of those nose clamps that MAKE you snore.
Buy a cuckoo clock.
Invest in a ferret.
Lick her while she's sleeping.
Try to kiss her with morning breath.
Keep trying to pork her while she's on the rag, complain about "his needs"
If he has kids, teach them how to be an anus to mom.
Invite the most annoying friends over every other night for dinner, always telling them to bring random people they know along. Expect her to cook.
Drink beer in the morning. Ask for scrambled eggs at night.
Call her at work every other hour, alternating the question between "Do you love me" and "Are you sure"
Say he's thinking about quitting his job and becoming a homemaker, and pursue his goal of happiness.
Gum. chew it and "forget" to leave it everywhere. Pillow is always a good place, as is kitchen floor, seats, and chest of drawers. Oh, and bathtub.
When going out to eat, tip the waitress with loose change. Even if it is a 40 dollar a plate eatery.
Tell all her friends about the time she had a period on a tour bus and had to wait 4 hours before changing.
Tell her that a particularly hot friend of hers is fetching, and that he "would hit that"
Ask her if it is okay for him to watch her while she goes no. 1 or 2. in the bathroom, because it really gets him off.