twilight movie reaction post.
lolwhut
overall, that kind of sums it up.
first, the qualms:
prediction: the already green-lit sequels will have the same devoted in-built fanbase as a harry potter-type juggernaut. it's like star wars - no matter how shit the sequels become, people will always go to see them in the fragile hope of seeing some of their own imagined joy reflected on the screen. twilight's problem is that it's core audience is almost wholly young, female and that it has significantly less cross-demographic appeal. there's a smaller target audience, and i feel like the only way the movies will maintain the incredible profitability of the first one is by riding the juggernaut and pushing them out quickly. twilight mania will not last. the young stars need to stay in the news (preferably scandal, preferably romantic) in order to maintain interest. there should be more blood, more gore, more epic battles - but unfortunately a lot of the hackneyed dialogue from the novels will have to stay in and the core plot mostly unchanged in order to satisfy the in-built audience. too much bad buzz and they will be scared off. fortunately it looks like most of them were pleased with the movie and went to see it a couple times over the weekend instead of just once, which bodes well for the future. loved the shades of animosity between edward and jacob, edward and billy, lines like "and the wolves descend"... honestly, the wolves are going to be such a shot in the arm for this trilogy (christ, please spare me from breaking dawn: the cgi nightmare).
the real magic of this movie will be in the sequels, and on the DVD with MONDO EXTRAS PLS KTHNXBAI - deleted scenes, director's cut, behind-the-scenes docos, vampire mythology shizzy, cast interviews, director's/author's/actor's commentary, games with emmett, more emmett and jasper... sigh. the beauty of DVD. (also, the lulz. twatlight, cleolinda, crazy gifs, memes and macros, rpattz interviews, fic... i'd actually get shit done if it wasn't for this fandom. happy sigh.)
overall, that kind of sums it up.
first, the qualms:
- movie sucks if you haven't read the book. actually, it also massively drove home to me the central problem with the book - which was, of course: why the fuck are they in love? it felt like their relationship went a mile a minute. girl hadn't even kissed princess frostylips over there before she was declaring her undying love. they had about three boring conversations, and all of a sudden she's "his life now"? lolwhut
- amazingly lulzy lines. srsly, who was the script editor on this hot mess of a movie? who allowed ridiculous lines like "that's my monkey man" (my, first out-loud wheezing gigglefit of the movie), "i'm the one with the wicked curve ball" (the second), [hilariously over-dramatic] "we shall see!" and [mufasa rip-off] "my son, REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!"
- why the fuck was stephenie 'can't write for shit' meyer allowed so much story input? bitch be crazy. she put edward in a white sleeveless button-down when she had control of him in the book. she wrote such literary gems as you are my life now and so the lion fell in love with the lamb. she writes hackneyed dialogue, doesn't research properly and idealises stalkerish, manic depressive 17 year olds. she came up with a cute concept, yes, and she wrote that concept down in the form of an extremely mediocre novel. but she most definitely don't know shit about making good movies. give the bitch her cameo and cut of the profits, and send her packing.
- why is edward such a tool? why is the movie so fast? why do jasper and emmett only have like two lines in the whole thing? why did they leave the stupid fucking baseball thing in? that shit was lame on paper. fucking crazy bitch fans don't realise half the shit in the novel is uber gay on screen. baseball should have been a cute deleted scene - instead the director had to make it a major fucking plot point and character development scene just to appease the fangirls. the motherfucking first rule of adaptation is you don't do SHIT to appease the fans. the fans are psychotic. they break noses just to get to the actors portraying their beloved characters. they get motherfucking tattoos with quotes from the books permanently etched into their skin. they even name their kids after 100% madeup characters. but most of all they obsess about the material. now, that in itself is not psychotic behaviour. i am all for that. i myself am a crazy fan. but the problem comes when you have to adapt book to film, and here's why: books are an individual experience. you read a book and you imagine for yourself what everyone looks like, how they sound, what the world they inhabit looks like, etc. you invest your emotions and your imagination in the images you conjure in your own mind. on film, there is a definitive version of the characters and the surroundings. furthermore, there are time limits, cinematic and budgetary constraints. some scenes will not work on film, even if it's your favourite scene ever because omgcute! for appropriate pace, drama, pathos and tension, some characters and scenes will need to be cut. dialogue will have to be changed, events rearranged. there is no true way to represent a book on screen, because everybody's version of the book is different. the beauty of the medium is the opportunity it gives to improve the source material and interpret it in a new light, altering some 'physical' (that is, the technical and narrative drapery) aspects of the story to better illuminate it's key themes and values. in twilight the movie, i feel like the opportunity was most definitely there - but the nature of the fandom and the veneration in which the author is held hamstrung the director's and the screenwriter's ability to do it.
- OMG CHARLIE. he is such a champion in this movie. right down to his rainier beer, his love of steak and cobbler, his playful relationship with billy, his thoughtfulness and patience... honestly, why did renee ever let that one go? and did anyone else cry when bella left him? just me? ok, i'll shut up now. but srsly, all that melodramatic edward shit? ain't got nothin' on charlie. using renee's divorce words on him? BROKE MY FUCKING FLINTY HEART.
- TEAM MIKE. oh yeah, whitebread, letterman-jacket-wearing, shrub-humping, la push-surfing, fucking-tool-in-the-book mike. he is such an hilarious sweetheart in this movie (and also wicked cute) that i couldn't stop thinking that, had this been any other movie, he'd be the boyfriend. and also probably the first to die.
- bella is such a babe. jesus, kristen stewart i so hot i almost passed out.
- actual romantic lines buried beneath all the melodramatic, smeyer shit, like my personal favourite: "when everything's done, i'm gonna come get you. you and i are going to go some place. some place they can't find us." the way this line was delivered, and the foreboding sense of futility about it, just ripped me apart. at this moment i really did see edward for the lost, desperate little boy he is. edward was just so young in that moment.
- the little cullen family things, like carlisle telling rosalie to clean up and then, off-camera, a very quiet and defiant "no"
- the kids. OH THE KIDS. they are so awesome. mike, jessica, and omg JACOB. "sorry to mess up your game mikey!", "she's right though, this looks awesome", "so... you and cullen, huh? huh? that's really gr- i don't like it.", [personal favourite line] "DON'T DRINK IT - IT'S FOR THE PLANTS!", "my dad paid me 20 bucks!"
- chemistry between bella and edward. ultimately, this movie was going to live or die on the strength of the relationship between the two leads, and thankfully i feel like it lived up to the hype. sure, robert pattinson went so far into the source material to produce his edward that the guy turned out pretty fundamentally unlikeable while he wasn't being ridiculously romantic, and kristen stewart seemed to deliver all but about three scenes in a (not wholly unappealing) monotone. sure, their whole relationship appeared oddly rushed and epicly codependent (which is kind of how it's written, so i guess points for staying true to the author's vision). but ultimately, did i want to see them fuck? yes, yes i did. i'm chalking that in the win column.
prediction: the already green-lit sequels will have the same devoted in-built fanbase as a harry potter-type juggernaut. it's like star wars - no matter how shit the sequels become, people will always go to see them in the fragile hope of seeing some of their own imagined joy reflected on the screen. twilight's problem is that it's core audience is almost wholly young, female and that it has significantly less cross-demographic appeal. there's a smaller target audience, and i feel like the only way the movies will maintain the incredible profitability of the first one is by riding the juggernaut and pushing them out quickly. twilight mania will not last. the young stars need to stay in the news (preferably scandal, preferably romantic) in order to maintain interest. there should be more blood, more gore, more epic battles - but unfortunately a lot of the hackneyed dialogue from the novels will have to stay in and the core plot mostly unchanged in order to satisfy the in-built audience. too much bad buzz and they will be scared off. fortunately it looks like most of them were pleased with the movie and went to see it a couple times over the weekend instead of just once, which bodes well for the future. loved the shades of animosity between edward and jacob, edward and billy, lines like "and the wolves descend"... honestly, the wolves are going to be such a shot in the arm for this trilogy (christ, please spare me from breaking dawn: the cgi nightmare).
the real magic of this movie will be in the sequels, and on the DVD with MONDO EXTRAS PLS KTHNXBAI - deleted scenes, director's cut, behind-the-scenes docos, vampire mythology shizzy, cast interviews, director's/author's/actor's commentary, games with emmett, more emmett and jasper... sigh. the beauty of DVD. (also, the lulz. twatlight, cleolinda, crazy gifs, memes and macros, rpattz interviews, fic... i'd actually get shit done if it wasn't for this fandom. happy sigh.)