true friends
why is it that I have so many issues with just letting go? I am an extremely jealous purpose for exactly that reason. I think alot of this is rooted in my serious lack of home life. I will never ever feel secure withough some sort of connection with some one else. Once I have it....i get protecive because so many thins have been ripped away from me in life. This however poses a problem. I will allways justify in some way in my mind that "things could still work" even though the cruel reality is no......no they wont because your shot is one in a million. Sadly me being me I will take those odds when a relationship is concerned. I would rather look forward to a one in a million shot than to give up and just left go. Some people I will never let go of. Tee dated me at the most emotionaly voulnerable state in my life and I think she was still finding herself as well. Because of us growing through that together I think that we have a connection than can never by any means be diminished or broken. I will allways defend her in any way possible and if it came down to it and she said I need you here tomorrow I would give everything I have to fullfil that need. To be honest I dont ever want to let go of her and I dont think she wants to let go of me. We have had our space and our relationship has stood up against all tests of time,distance,engagements, boyfriends and girlfriends alike over a period of six and a half years without flaw or failure. That is the kind of love you never give up on. Whitney also has an amazing relationship with me. Though i would say that her and I have a stronger friendship than relationship because we didnt have the same level of emotional connection that tee and I did. All the same though I feel that her and I do have an amazing understanding of eachother mentally and emotionaly. I would be on her doorstep in a heartbeat if needed and I feel she would do the same for me. Its in these examples that I feel that though some times letting go is the smarter option. Other times once you have a hold of someone you truly care about giving up on them would be wasting away a small part of your heart. Problem being how do you chose bewtween the ones to keep and those who get let go. I know for a fact that walking home with me laura robyn tee and whit that warm day in august at the start of my sophmore year in high school that i had no clue I would fall in love the most influencial women I have ever met or found one of my closest friends to keep for a life time and im damn sure that I didnt think I would be talking to some six years from then.The only thing on my mind then was of course one extremely hot red head......but we know where all that leads :-) all this is just me looking at the women in my life now and trying to decide how i will avoid being hurt or hurting them and still being able to stay friends and date other people. Not an easy task. But all this contemplation and a great stroll down memory lane have yet again reminded me that no matter where I live my home will allways be Ft. Myers Florida. The day that I show up will be soon and when I get there you can be damn sure I will have my feet in the sand and a beer in my hand and the bottoms will go up until long after the sun goes down on my first night home.