alive
Im not really sure why but i have the shortest fuse in the world now. I go through these bouts of anger like never before. Im not an angry person but I think thats the problem. I just take everything that makes me upset and put it away somewhere. I think what ever i was puting it in has filled up and now It just comes out. But its not only that. Today one minute i was driving my car at 95mph in a 35 and pissed off less than a minute later i was within seconds from breaking down and crying I would have if i didnt shift back to anger. I have so much stress in my life and even with going to the gym 5 days a week my stress isnt decreasing. I brought all this on myself but I dont think my mind can handle this. I really feel that this is bigger than me. Also i have had thoughts that were similar to how I felt when I first transfered to fallon and when I first started this journal. Thoughts tha arent real but the idea that they are there is enough to concern me. I cant focus to save my life even with this medication that is supposed to help my depression and ADD. It works to an extent but its got some issues that go along with it as well. On a brighter note I stopped smoking and out of some crazy act also stopped biting my nails. my life is so crazy right now im amazed that im even able to walk. crazy.