life's a bitch
so i need to get a few things out. i swear to god maybe i do need a counsler dude....i have way too much botteled up. and to be honest, im sick of dumping it all on other people. so i'm done venting to my friends. dont worry i won't annoy any of you with my lame ass problems anymore. this is my own personal....blah..... read it if you feel like it.
dad is at karens again and won't be home for the night. i've noticed its getting worse. he spends the majority of his time over there now. and it used to be equally spread out. so i basically came to the conclusion that if i had money to support myself, i would be on my own. i practically am, just living for free i guess. yea, why complain, right? cuz it sucks. being alone sucks.
and why am i such a bitch? well, maybe thats cuz i have lots of hate to share. don't call me bitter, cuz im not. don't say i have a chip on my shoulder, cuz i don't. would you ever beleive i had any of these problems if you only saw me at school? or if you never read any of these LJ posts? probably not. i act so different than i really am, yet at the same time i'm myself.
guys. what to say about guys? well for starters, i really don't understand why all of my friends' guys hate me. i know a few of them read my posts, so tell me. why do you hate me? besides the fact i give you a hard time and pretend like i think all you want is sex from my friends. yea see that? i pretend i think you guys are assholes seeking one thing. but really, i couldn't care less anymore. if you like one of my friends, yay for you and her. if you fuck her over, yay for you and her. i'm staying out of shit from now on. i'm sick of getting involved in stuff i care about when it seems like my involvement isn't wanted. so congrats, you got me to go away. feel free to fuck up your life and do whatever the fuck you want. its a no questions asked policy
and another thing about the oh so wonderful opposite sex. what the hell is it you want anyway? we give you a hard time and say all you want is sex. which, is true for some guys. but over-all. what do you really want from us? we start getting physical and you call us whores. we refuse to kiss on the first date and you call us prude. we've had a few serious relationships and you call us "used". we have never had a serious relationship and you think there's something wrong with us and won't bother after that. or you call us "fresh meat" and try to use us to the best of your benefit. we call you just to say hi, and you say we're clingy. we wait for you to call us, and you claim we just want to be chased and you're into that. we ask you where this going and you think we want a marriage tomorrow. we never bring up a god damn thing about "us" and you think we don't care.
so if you could please inform us what the hell's going on up there and how we can get on its good side, that would just be peachy.
why is it when you want someone so bad, they don't want you back. and years after you've finally started getting over them, they start to show feelings for you. i guess that would make things too simple if it worked the other way. and thus making life in general easier. which can't happen.
i'm tired of getting annoyed with people's shit. and i have a shorter fuse for it than i used to. over-all i think my everything is beginning to get burned out. my tolerance for annoyance and immaturity is deminishing.
my uncle from my moms' side just got busted for drugs. and starting at the end of february he will begin his 13 years in jail. my grandpa from my mom's side is constantly in and out of the hospital for heart stuff. the doctors just told my mom and my step grandma to start thinking about arrangements. my mom got what she wanted, she's alone right now.
i would like to consider someone one of my best friends, but he just doesn't seem to...i don't even know. i call him, and all he wants is to go out or something. he never calls me. same thing with dusty. he never calls me, i'm always the one going after him. and ya know, someone asked me something the other night that no one else EVER has, and you have no idea how much such a little thing made my night. its not what was asked, its the fact that it was asked is what meant a lot. it meant they were thinking about me a lot that night. and its happened before. so thats one thing that just makes it all momentarily ok.
dad is at karens again and won't be home for the night. i've noticed its getting worse. he spends the majority of his time over there now. and it used to be equally spread out. so i basically came to the conclusion that if i had money to support myself, i would be on my own. i practically am, just living for free i guess. yea, why complain, right? cuz it sucks. being alone sucks.
and why am i such a bitch? well, maybe thats cuz i have lots of hate to share. don't call me bitter, cuz im not. don't say i have a chip on my shoulder, cuz i don't. would you ever beleive i had any of these problems if you only saw me at school? or if you never read any of these LJ posts? probably not. i act so different than i really am, yet at the same time i'm myself.
guys. what to say about guys? well for starters, i really don't understand why all of my friends' guys hate me. i know a few of them read my posts, so tell me. why do you hate me? besides the fact i give you a hard time and pretend like i think all you want is sex from my friends. yea see that? i pretend i think you guys are assholes seeking one thing. but really, i couldn't care less anymore. if you like one of my friends, yay for you and her. if you fuck her over, yay for you and her. i'm staying out of shit from now on. i'm sick of getting involved in stuff i care about when it seems like my involvement isn't wanted. so congrats, you got me to go away. feel free to fuck up your life and do whatever the fuck you want. its a no questions asked policy
and another thing about the oh so wonderful opposite sex. what the hell is it you want anyway? we give you a hard time and say all you want is sex. which, is true for some guys. but over-all. what do you really want from us? we start getting physical and you call us whores. we refuse to kiss on the first date and you call us prude. we've had a few serious relationships and you call us "used". we have never had a serious relationship and you think there's something wrong with us and won't bother after that. or you call us "fresh meat" and try to use us to the best of your benefit. we call you just to say hi, and you say we're clingy. we wait for you to call us, and you claim we just want to be chased and you're into that. we ask you where this going and you think we want a marriage tomorrow. we never bring up a god damn thing about "us" and you think we don't care.
so if you could please inform us what the hell's going on up there and how we can get on its good side, that would just be peachy.
why is it when you want someone so bad, they don't want you back. and years after you've finally started getting over them, they start to show feelings for you. i guess that would make things too simple if it worked the other way. and thus making life in general easier. which can't happen.
i'm tired of getting annoyed with people's shit. and i have a shorter fuse for it than i used to. over-all i think my everything is beginning to get burned out. my tolerance for annoyance and immaturity is deminishing.
my uncle from my moms' side just got busted for drugs. and starting at the end of february he will begin his 13 years in jail. my grandpa from my mom's side is constantly in and out of the hospital for heart stuff. the doctors just told my mom and my step grandma to start thinking about arrangements. my mom got what she wanted, she's alone right now.
i would like to consider someone one of my best friends, but he just doesn't seem to...i don't even know. i call him, and all he wants is to go out or something. he never calls me. same thing with dusty. he never calls me, i'm always the one going after him. and ya know, someone asked me something the other night that no one else EVER has, and you have no idea how much such a little thing made my night. its not what was asked, its the fact that it was asked is what meant a lot. it meant they were thinking about me a lot that night. and its happened before. so thats one thing that just makes it all momentarily ok.