Planless
2010 was the best year in my memory to date. I got a job. I got promoted. I reached my first financial goal ever. I made a difficult relationship decision that needed deciding. I made up my mind to quit forcing myself to socialize in ways that make me hate socializing-which is to say, I finally embraced my introversion in a way that I haven't since I was a child. Against all reason, I fell in love with a man I never met, and then I met him. I became more motivated than ever to do all the things I want to do, and for once I was limited more by practical factors (money, time, location, the usual) than by my own procrastinatory habits.
Despite all that, 2011 is utterly up in the air. I have no idea what sort of trajectory the rest of my life will take. It is scary; I am poised to gain or lose everything, it seems. But even if I lose it all, I did very nearly have it! These types of things, all the pieces to the life I want (or one of the hundreds of potential lives I want), are achievable, I am now convinced. This year is looking to be my most mysterious and directionless yet, and I foresee many trying moments obfuscating my way through, but I am the most hopeful I've ever been in the face of the unknown. However shitty it gets, I have had it plenty shittier, and I'm still here and still hopeful I might just be able to wing this one.
Despite all that, 2011 is utterly up in the air. I have no idea what sort of trajectory the rest of my life will take. It is scary; I am poised to gain or lose everything, it seems. But even if I lose it all, I did very nearly have it! These types of things, all the pieces to the life I want (or one of the hundreds of potential lives I want), are achievable, I am now convinced. This year is looking to be my most mysterious and directionless yet, and I foresee many trying moments obfuscating my way through, but I am the most hopeful I've ever been in the face of the unknown. However shitty it gets, I have had it plenty shittier, and I'm still here and still hopeful I might just be able to wing this one.