(no subject)
What would you say? What fantastic words of wisdom would you bestow if you were confronted with just one chance? One chance to make a change in one persons life, but you only got as many lines as I have seconds that I can hold back tears. What would you tell me if I told you who I really was? If I told you that I am coming down right now and I feel like maybe my whole life is just coming down like the pebbles falling of crumbling temples onto barren ground. If I told you that my feet hurt because I lost my shoes and that was the least of my worries so I just felt the pavement digging into my feet hopeing they would bleed so these chemicals could pour out of me and be someone elses problem for a while, or maybe hoping that the wait I feel on my shoulders is my cross that will absolve me, but I cant have that because, I have no faith, and I know all I really want is a mommy, or a daddy, or a sister, or a brother or a lover or a friend or a god, oh my god I need a fucking god! someone who will tell me truth that I already know and whisper the lies that I need to hear. What if I told you I don’t sleep, and I know exactly the reason why, the reason is because the only way I can is to cry and then when all the tears are wrung out of me I just lie there like a wet rag but my mind wont stop so I create a world where I am not alone, a world where he loves me, and everything just works out somehow, and then my fantisies turn into dreams, and my dreams turn into nightmares and I wake up realizing I havnt slept and that nothing is as it seems and I don’t remember the warmth that came from the insights I made up inside my head, all I remember is the questions and the lies and the fact that they might as well have never been asked because there is no answer so I will just keep asking, until I stop. Don’t know how, or when, or why maybe I will just die or maybe I will find myself one day just completely dry and be alright with that. What you say if I told you I am sixteen and I can barely keep track of the days of the week, and now I am supposed to find a way to live in a world that most certainly will not let me just be a happy hippy tripper girl without cloths or shoes or a mind? What would you tell me if I told you to save me with just one line?