This might run on a bit... sorry! ;)
It's 4 something in the morning, and I don't really trust myself to make a proper, coherent post.
I want to say thank-you for all the supportive and kind words I got today, regarding my split with Dan. (Or vice versa, I guess.)
I do love him, and I don't use that word lightly, but he's gone and done a truly stupid thing. This was supposed to be a year of change for us, but not like this. I cried, hit, begged, yelled, threw shit, collapsed, swore, and mostly cried some more for the better part of the day. By nighttime I was exhausted and sore and drained. My awesome friend
zerstoerte convinced me to come out to Savage, and I agreed to go. Dan had left around lunchtime to go drink and hang out with his sister's boyfriend (Rick), and by 9pm, she called me and gave me an update on them. (Women unite, lol!) Dan was at a friend of his and Rick's, and was so blotto'd, even the other guys there were concerned. He apparently was keeping to himself, and didn't want to socialize at all... Maybe this is weighing on him after all... His friends considered putting him in a cab and sending him "home" (to me) but were afraid he would pass out and not be able to direct the cab where to go. He'll be driven here when they wake up. My point being, I was able to go out and genuinely have a good time, despite my inner pain, because a)I was surrounded by amazing friends, who I know really, truly fucking give a shit about me.
zerstoerte/Amanda, Karen, Louis, and my bestest friend, Jay, and his girlfriend Renata. I felt safe and loved, as ghey as that may sound. And b)it helped immensely knowing that Dan was passed out at a friend's house. I can't tell you what a weight that was off of me. Yeah, I wondered if his conquest was at the club, but since I don't have a good idea of what she looks like, I soon gave up looking for her. I knew she wasn't with him, and that was enough for me to be able to relax. A bunch of people commented on how happy I looked, which I found interesting, because I felt pretty shredded on the inside... I didn't even wear any eye make-up at all, just in case I started bawling again. But I didn't shed a tear! Amanda gave me a wicked Christmas prezzie, Karen bought me a bunch of sympathy beers, the music was decent, my request got played (Shelter by Icon of Coil) and I was so happy to see my friend Jay, who I don't think I've seen since early November! I missed him like crazy. The lovely
lisawebb came up and said hello and talked to me for a bit (I met her & her hubby at
_sidonie_'s penultimate New Year's Party!) I recognized and introduced myself to
hexadecimal13, too! And I talked to the Santa/Merlin elder goth guy, lol! Something I've wanted to do for years. Gotta love Liquid Courage, lol! I have gone through several stages of emotion today regarding what Dan did, and tonight I'm fully ensconsed in rage. I want his shit out of my house, and never want to see him again. I know that'll pass by tomorrow, but right now I'm so.fucking.mad. The universal cry from his family AND mine is not "asshole" but "IDIOT!" We just can't believe he did this.
I need to sleep now. I have to go to
tailchaser's clothing swap tomorrow (I nearly cancelled, but my friend Karen is coming too, so I will go and try not to burst into stupid tears.) Oh, I saw
tailchaser tonight too! That grrrl can DANCE!
Thank-you again for being awesome people! :) Maybe I'll be okay after all...
(Thanks to
zerstoerte for the ride to Savage, and home again. Hugely appreciated!)
.
I want to say thank-you for all the supportive and kind words I got today, regarding my split with Dan. (Or vice versa, I guess.)
I do love him, and I don't use that word lightly, but he's gone and done a truly stupid thing. This was supposed to be a year of change for us, but not like this. I cried, hit, begged, yelled, threw shit, collapsed, swore, and mostly cried some more for the better part of the day. By nighttime I was exhausted and sore and drained. My awesome friend
zerstoerte convinced me to come out to Savage, and I agreed to go. Dan had left around lunchtime to go drink and hang out with his sister's boyfriend (Rick), and by 9pm, she called me and gave me an update on them. (Women unite, lol!) Dan was at a friend of his and Rick's, and was so blotto'd, even the other guys there were concerned. He apparently was keeping to himself, and didn't want to socialize at all... Maybe this is weighing on him after all... His friends considered putting him in a cab and sending him "home" (to me) but were afraid he would pass out and not be able to direct the cab where to go. He'll be driven here when they wake up. My point being, I was able to go out and genuinely have a good time, despite my inner pain, because a)I was surrounded by amazing friends, who I know really, truly fucking give a shit about me.
zerstoerte/Amanda, Karen, Louis, and my bestest friend, Jay, and his girlfriend Renata. I felt safe and loved, as ghey as that may sound. And b)it helped immensely knowing that Dan was passed out at a friend's house. I can't tell you what a weight that was off of me. Yeah, I wondered if his conquest was at the club, but since I don't have a good idea of what she looks like, I soon gave up looking for her. I knew she wasn't with him, and that was enough for me to be able to relax. A bunch of people commented on how happy I looked, which I found interesting, because I felt pretty shredded on the inside... I didn't even wear any eye make-up at all, just in case I started bawling again. But I didn't shed a tear! Amanda gave me a wicked Christmas prezzie, Karen bought me a bunch of sympathy beers, the music was decent, my request got played (Shelter by Icon of Coil) and I was so happy to see my friend Jay, who I don't think I've seen since early November! I missed him like crazy. The lovely
lisawebb came up and said hello and talked to me for a bit (I met her & her hubby at
_sidonie_'s penultimate New Year's Party!) I recognized and introduced myself to
hexadecimal13, too! And I talked to the Santa/Merlin elder goth guy, lol! Something I've wanted to do for years. Gotta love Liquid Courage, lol! I have gone through several stages of emotion today regarding what Dan did, and tonight I'm fully ensconsed in rage. I want his shit out of my house, and never want to see him again. I know that'll pass by tomorrow, but right now I'm so.fucking.mad. The universal cry from his family AND mine is not "asshole" but "IDIOT!" We just can't believe he did this.
I need to sleep now. I have to go to
tailchaser's clothing swap tomorrow (I nearly cancelled, but my friend Karen is coming too, so I will go and try not to burst into stupid tears.) Oh, I saw
tailchaser tonight too! That grrrl can DANCE!
Thank-you again for being awesome people! :) Maybe I'll be okay after all...
(Thanks to
zerstoerte for the ride to Savage, and home again. Hugely appreciated!)
.