This post is short-turning
I am so very tired. But not in a complaining sort of way. For once, lol.
It was my week-end with Dylan, which always leaves me drained due to the myriad of feelings and neccessary emotional defense mechanisms I have to employ while he visits, and especially when he leaves. I used to have a mini meltdown everytime he got picked up. Now I just have to shut down "maternal mode" when he goes. I don't expect anyone to understand. I am not inferring that people on my friends list aren't understanding! I have been blessed with some of the most supportive, sympathetic, caring lj friends anyone could ask for! I am grateful for that. I only meant that my situation with my kids, the events that led to where we are now, and how I've come to cope with it, are things that I wouldn't expect anyone to comprehend, and I wouldn't want anyone I care about to experience what I've been through. I also realise that without the full background story, it must often seem like I am whiney and over-dramatic.
The problem I have encountered over the years, when I have made attempts to "tell the whole story", whether to my lawyers, therapists, someone new I was dating, whoever, was that it takes not hours, but days, even weeks, to fill someone in on all the lies, privacy violations, legal fiascos, plain bad luck, and everything else that has gone wrong where my kids are concerned since January 1998. With one singular exception, it is ALL negative, sad, frustrating and depressing. No-one wants to listen to the whole thing, and I can't blame them. It's truly soul-sucking for me to rehash it all. BUT... My kids don't live with me, and who is going to believe me when I say that Children's Aid not only lied and broke their own rules, but broke the law? When I say that teachers falsified report cards and lied in court? (During my 10 day custody trial in 2002.)That the school counsellor lied to my mom and I, and then lied to Children's Aid? That my own co-op Board of Directors launched a campaign of slander, lies and harrassment against me to get me evicted? There is so much more, but what matters is, I have exposed and proven (legally!) that most of these accusations against me are false. I have the court transcripts showing teachers getting caught in their lies. I have a report from a building inspector (independantly hired by the NEW co-op manager) that refutes every single claim of cosmetic and structural damage to my townhouse. I was nearly evicted based on these false damage claims. The new report states that there is NO structural damage, and any cosmetic damage is due to the age of the unit, and not negligence on my part.
See, I'm starting to rant. My point was, for me to simply state that I was wronged, and all these people in authority and power positions lied, will leave most people thinking I'm not being honest, because it sounds crazy that teachers and lawyers and co-op Board members would make things up. But they did, and I can prove it. But who wants to sit with me while I go through years of photographs, affidavits and court transcripts in order to show I'm not full of shit? No-one. So what can I do? All I can hope for is that the people who read my lj, especially the ones I consider friends, will give me the benefit of the doubt, and hopefully that will be strengthened as time goes by, and they get a sense of my character, and also as info is filled in here or there. For anyone that read this whole thing, a)thank-you and b)I hope I've shown that what comes off as whining or melodrama, (usually) has some basis in stresses and fears that are very real.
*sigh*
I started out intending on talking about good things. I didn't mean to even bring this up. But I'm posting it, because I think it's important. It's a bit ranty, and I'm sorry about that. Try to look past the tone.
I'll post the other (good) stuff in a bit. No angst at all in the next post, I promise! :)
.
It was my week-end with Dylan, which always leaves me drained due to the myriad of feelings and neccessary emotional defense mechanisms I have to employ while he visits, and especially when he leaves. I used to have a mini meltdown everytime he got picked up. Now I just have to shut down "maternal mode" when he goes. I don't expect anyone to understand. I am not inferring that people on my friends list aren't understanding! I have been blessed with some of the most supportive, sympathetic, caring lj friends anyone could ask for! I am grateful for that. I only meant that my situation with my kids, the events that led to where we are now, and how I've come to cope with it, are things that I wouldn't expect anyone to comprehend, and I wouldn't want anyone I care about to experience what I've been through. I also realise that without the full background story, it must often seem like I am whiney and over-dramatic.
The problem I have encountered over the years, when I have made attempts to "tell the whole story", whether to my lawyers, therapists, someone new I was dating, whoever, was that it takes not hours, but days, even weeks, to fill someone in on all the lies, privacy violations, legal fiascos, plain bad luck, and everything else that has gone wrong where my kids are concerned since January 1998. With one singular exception, it is ALL negative, sad, frustrating and depressing. No-one wants to listen to the whole thing, and I can't blame them. It's truly soul-sucking for me to rehash it all. BUT... My kids don't live with me, and who is going to believe me when I say that Children's Aid not only lied and broke their own rules, but broke the law? When I say that teachers falsified report cards and lied in court? (During my 10 day custody trial in 2002.)That the school counsellor lied to my mom and I, and then lied to Children's Aid? That my own co-op Board of Directors launched a campaign of slander, lies and harrassment against me to get me evicted? There is so much more, but what matters is, I have exposed and proven (legally!) that most of these accusations against me are false. I have the court transcripts showing teachers getting caught in their lies. I have a report from a building inspector (independantly hired by the NEW co-op manager) that refutes every single claim of cosmetic and structural damage to my townhouse. I was nearly evicted based on these false damage claims. The new report states that there is NO structural damage, and any cosmetic damage is due to the age of the unit, and not negligence on my part.
See, I'm starting to rant. My point was, for me to simply state that I was wronged, and all these people in authority and power positions lied, will leave most people thinking I'm not being honest, because it sounds crazy that teachers and lawyers and co-op Board members would make things up. But they did, and I can prove it. But who wants to sit with me while I go through years of photographs, affidavits and court transcripts in order to show I'm not full of shit? No-one. So what can I do? All I can hope for is that the people who read my lj, especially the ones I consider friends, will give me the benefit of the doubt, and hopefully that will be strengthened as time goes by, and they get a sense of my character, and also as info is filled in here or there. For anyone that read this whole thing, a)thank-you and b)I hope I've shown that what comes off as whining or melodrama, (usually) has some basis in stresses and fears that are very real.
*sigh*
I started out intending on talking about good things. I didn't mean to even bring this up. But I'm posting it, because I think it's important. It's a bit ranty, and I'm sorry about that. Try to look past the tone.
I'll post the other (good) stuff in a bit. No angst at all in the next post, I promise! :)
.