Saturday night.
Hopefully Beautiful Chaos tonight at funhaus but I can't be sure I'll have enough to go. Also, I'd like Dan to join me, and I doubt he will. I'm going to try to bleach my hair today, and re-do it red. It should last a lot longer once I pre-bleach it, which I haven't done in months.
Lots of baby/toddler talk in my friends' journals. Makes me sad I can't have anymore. I wish I could just have one more, and whisk him/her away where no-one could take them away from me... Be the mom I was meant to be. Anyhoo... The plumbing is gone, so no point in even thinking on that level. I've been thinking (obsessing?) about marriage too, lately. I'm 35, and have little to zero accomplishments to show for having been an adult for the past 15+ years...
I just printed out a whole whack of nifty chain mail ideas, so now I'm going to take them home to Dan, and maybe he'll show me how to make them. We also have to go to Arton Beads on Queen West at some point, and get some pretty baubles for the jewellery. Hopefully we'll sell some of this stuff tomorrow at the Sunday Market. More later. I'm tired, and for some reason, really sad and extra depressed lately. I want Dan to move out with me (it's been a year) but he won't. And my weight is becoming a hurdle, even for him, although he's being cool about it. I know it's worrying him, that I'm going to get even bigger. It worries me too...
I miss my kids, and I want my life back. Court re: the co-op is in early June. I'm just so tired.
...
Lots of baby/toddler talk in my friends' journals. Makes me sad I can't have anymore. I wish I could just have one more, and whisk him/her away where no-one could take them away from me... Be the mom I was meant to be. Anyhoo... The plumbing is gone, so no point in even thinking on that level. I've been thinking (obsessing?) about marriage too, lately. I'm 35, and have little to zero accomplishments to show for having been an adult for the past 15+ years...
I just printed out a whole whack of nifty chain mail ideas, so now I'm going to take them home to Dan, and maybe he'll show me how to make them. We also have to go to Arton Beads on Queen West at some point, and get some pretty baubles for the jewellery. Hopefully we'll sell some of this stuff tomorrow at the Sunday Market. More later. I'm tired, and for some reason, really sad and extra depressed lately. I want Dan to move out with me (it's been a year) but he won't. And my weight is becoming a hurdle, even for him, although he's being cool about it. I know it's worrying him, that I'm going to get even bigger. It worries me too...
I miss my kids, and I want my life back. Court re: the co-op is in early June. I'm just so tired.
...