My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room...
I don’t have this feeling often.
Not ever, really.
Well, no, that's not true either... there was a period in time I had this before, but it was based on a completely made-up, in-my-mind scenario that clearly didn't exist in Real Life.
But this one does.
It does and that makes me happy, and it does and that makes me sad.
(Yes, I am talking about my Blondie...)
I am longing for her.
Just plain, simple... longing.
I want to be with her.
So fucking badly.
She'll be here in 5 days, and it makes the longing all the more stronger and worse and just... more often.
I never doubted that I loved her in some measure.
I just couldn't find physical evidence of it before... well, now, to prove it to myself ('cause... well... I'm too much of a scientist at heart, sorry).
I just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnt her.
I wantwantwantwantwantwantwantwantwantwant her.
All of her.
Her annoying strongheadedness, and her beautiful hair, and the way she talks, or glares at me when I say something stupid and/or not-as-funny-as-I-thought-it-sounded-in-my-head, and all the crap and baggage and physical stuff and crazy family she brings with her.
I haven't thought of a single future path-in-life without trying to fit her in since I got here.
I know we talk practically daily, but... I need to hold her.
She was having a bad day a few days ago, and told me about it, and I couldn't hug her.
I wanted to hug her so badly.
I haven't been jealous of all the other people that do get to hang out with her and touch her (which I think is VERY, very good of me... considering my track record... my very, very, very long track record.... *coughverycough*).
She does have her life, and I have mine, and we don't exactly cancel stuff to Skype together, but fuck, if you count the hours we *are* on Skype together, we don't have to.
Even if we're both muted, 'cause I'm reading for class and she's watching Lost (god, thank you Lost, for cock-blocking the shit out of me. Fucker. YOU ALL DIE ANYWAY!).
[Complete side-note; apparently she doesn't like the amount of capslock (actually shift, but anyway) I use to express, well, when I'm screaming in my head 'cause... it looks like I'm screaming, which is usually exactly what I'm doing... so tough luck. Just wanted to remind myself of this. :D]
Anyway.
I just needed to get this written down somewhere.
Have been listening to slow songs (John Mayer, really... Slow dancing in a burning room, Gravity and Wheel) for the past half an hour (repeat, baby!), which doesn't help me feel any less longingly or romantically inclined or needy (actually, I don't think I'm *that* needy... I dunno, I shall ask. I don't think I'm needy at all) or eh... in need of hot chocolate and a chick flick and a bunch of females around me.
*sighs*
Oh boy.
Who ever thought lovely robotic Nicky would end up mopping the floor with herself out of pure love...
[Other side-note: I need a pet. Holy shit. I need someone (thing?) to talk to when I get home. This is ridiculous. I've never been this long without animals. I practically try to super-pet any dog I see walking on the street, which usually means it's attached to someone's leash 'cause the dogs usually have owners here... which is awkward. I need animal-attention. Or attention in general. I NEED LOVE, PEOPLE! BRING ME SOME!]
5 days.
I can do this.
I can do this.
Repeat after me...
I can totally, totally do this.
Breaaaaaaaathing in...
Not ever, really.
Well, no, that's not true either... there was a period in time I had this before, but it was based on a completely made-up, in-my-mind scenario that clearly didn't exist in Real Life.
But this one does.
It does and that makes me happy, and it does and that makes me sad.
(Yes, I am talking about my Blondie...)
I am longing for her.
Just plain, simple... longing.
I want to be with her.
So fucking badly.
She'll be here in 5 days, and it makes the longing all the more stronger and worse and just... more often.
I never doubted that I loved her in some measure.
I just couldn't find physical evidence of it before... well, now, to prove it to myself ('cause... well... I'm too much of a scientist at heart, sorry).
I just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnt her.
I wantwantwantwantwantwantwantwantwantwant her.
All of her.
Her annoying strongheadedness, and her beautiful hair, and the way she talks, or glares at me when I say something stupid and/or not-as-funny-as-I-thought-it-sounded-in-my-head, and all the crap and baggage and physical stuff and crazy family she brings with her.
I haven't thought of a single future path-in-life without trying to fit her in since I got here.
I know we talk practically daily, but... I need to hold her.
She was having a bad day a few days ago, and told me about it, and I couldn't hug her.
I wanted to hug her so badly.
I haven't been jealous of all the other people that do get to hang out with her and touch her (which I think is VERY, very good of me... considering my track record... my very, very, very long track record.... *coughverycough*).
She does have her life, and I have mine, and we don't exactly cancel stuff to Skype together, but fuck, if you count the hours we *are* on Skype together, we don't have to.
Even if we're both muted, 'cause I'm reading for class and she's watching Lost (god, thank you Lost, for cock-blocking the shit out of me. Fucker. YOU ALL DIE ANYWAY!).
[Complete side-note; apparently she doesn't like the amount of capslock (actually shift, but anyway) I use to express, well, when I'm screaming in my head 'cause... it looks like I'm screaming, which is usually exactly what I'm doing... so tough luck. Just wanted to remind myself of this. :D]
Anyway.
I just needed to get this written down somewhere.
Have been listening to slow songs (John Mayer, really... Slow dancing in a burning room, Gravity and Wheel) for the past half an hour (repeat, baby!), which doesn't help me feel any less longingly or romantically inclined or needy (actually, I don't think I'm *that* needy... I dunno, I shall ask. I don't think I'm needy at all) or eh... in need of hot chocolate and a chick flick and a bunch of females around me.
*sighs*
Oh boy.
Who ever thought lovely robotic Nicky would end up mopping the floor with herself out of pure love...
[Other side-note: I need a pet. Holy shit. I need someone (thing?) to talk to when I get home. This is ridiculous. I've never been this long without animals. I practically try to super-pet any dog I see walking on the street, which usually means it's attached to someone's leash 'cause the dogs usually have owners here... which is awkward. I need animal-attention. Or attention in general. I NEED LOVE, PEOPLE! BRING ME SOME!]
5 days.
I can do this.
I can do this.
Repeat after me...
I can totally, totally do this.
Breaaaaaaaathing in...