Decisions.
First of all: Hi, Stephen! *waves* you're a good stalker xD
That being said, I think I should write something a bit more profound after such a long time.
A couple of days ago, I was talking to a friend who was against Gay Marriage, and it had me thinking. One of my curses is that I see where everyone's coming from, even if I disagree completely. I can see where this particular guy was coming from: fear of that which is different. I think that's the biggest curse of being human. We fear the change, we fear the different. The problem comes when, instead of embracing the change, we push that which is different away.
I am not afraid to admit that I am bisexual, as you all well know. I have come to terms with it only this year. I was scared of being different. I was afraid people would push me away. I was afraid of being left alone. Every day it's more and more people who know I am bisexual, and it means more and more people who support me. My friends were shocked at first, of course (so was I), but they opened their arms for me anyway. They didn't push me away. They love me still after knowing my true self. I think that's the whole point of loving someone. You accept them and learn how to love them in spite of the differences you may have with that person.
Realizing what made me different was a huge step for me. Somehow, I can say I always knew, deep inside at least, that I liked girls as well. But realizing is one thing. Coming to terms with it is another. I was scared of myself. I kept hiding inside my armor. I thought I would be miserable if I came out of the closet. I hated myself for not being able to be like everybody else. I thought they would ostracize me, so I ostracized myself to avoid pain. That's when I realized, I couldn't hide myself forever. I was who I was, and I was not going to change my true self just because someone didn't like it. I couldn't lie to myself, just as I couldn't lie to those around me. Therefore I told some friends, then some others, and now I'm not even sure who I did tell and who I didn't.
So now, most of my friends know. The problem is my family. I'm afraid of telling them. Yesterday I was thinking how I always run from the big issues when it comes to them. When I had trouble at school, I never told them. When I got heartbroken over and over again, I never told them. When I was dating guys, I never told them. But then again, I lied to myself saying "I just don't want them to think that this will be the guy who will grant them the grandchildren they always wished for," or "I just don't want them to worry," when what really scared me was to have to face what was going on, and I knew that if I told them, I would have to. So I kept quiet. And then I thought "well, I can tell them I like girls as soon as I get a job or move out," but then again, it would be running away from what was going on.
So I made up my mind. I am proud to be the way I am, and so I must tell them the truth. As soon as the tests are over, I am telling them. I can't hold it back any longer. I can't lie to them any more. So I won't.
That being said, I think I should write something a bit more profound after such a long time.
A couple of days ago, I was talking to a friend who was against Gay Marriage, and it had me thinking. One of my curses is that I see where everyone's coming from, even if I disagree completely. I can see where this particular guy was coming from: fear of that which is different. I think that's the biggest curse of being human. We fear the change, we fear the different. The problem comes when, instead of embracing the change, we push that which is different away.
I am not afraid to admit that I am bisexual, as you all well know. I have come to terms with it only this year. I was scared of being different. I was afraid people would push me away. I was afraid of being left alone. Every day it's more and more people who know I am bisexual, and it means more and more people who support me. My friends were shocked at first, of course (so was I), but they opened their arms for me anyway. They didn't push me away. They love me still after knowing my true self. I think that's the whole point of loving someone. You accept them and learn how to love them in spite of the differences you may have with that person.
Realizing what made me different was a huge step for me. Somehow, I can say I always knew, deep inside at least, that I liked girls as well. But realizing is one thing. Coming to terms with it is another. I was scared of myself. I kept hiding inside my armor. I thought I would be miserable if I came out of the closet. I hated myself for not being able to be like everybody else. I thought they would ostracize me, so I ostracized myself to avoid pain. That's when I realized, I couldn't hide myself forever. I was who I was, and I was not going to change my true self just because someone didn't like it. I couldn't lie to myself, just as I couldn't lie to those around me. Therefore I told some friends, then some others, and now I'm not even sure who I did tell and who I didn't.
So now, most of my friends know. The problem is my family. I'm afraid of telling them. Yesterday I was thinking how I always run from the big issues when it comes to them. When I had trouble at school, I never told them. When I got heartbroken over and over again, I never told them. When I was dating guys, I never told them. But then again, I lied to myself saying "I just don't want them to think that this will be the guy who will grant them the grandchildren they always wished for," or "I just don't want them to worry," when what really scared me was to have to face what was going on, and I knew that if I told them, I would have to. So I kept quiet. And then I thought "well, I can tell them I like girls as soon as I get a job or move out," but then again, it would be running away from what was going on.
So I made up my mind. I am proud to be the way I am, and so I must tell them the truth. As soon as the tests are over, I am telling them. I can't hold it back any longer. I can't lie to them any more. So I won't.