(no subject)
I almost forget what to write in this thing.
It used to be so therapeutic: writing to the mass about my 'deep psychological trauma' as if there were an individual on the other end.
Huh.
There were some.
Individuals that is.
It's just over a month until the anniversary of my leaving Hartford. Remembered this when the season change got me down this weekend. Last change of season that will remind me of the old me.
Wow.
All of it: just wow.
I know I seem inarticulate but I'm hoping this might help cure my incessant insomnia.
For the past while I've had nightmares almost every night...I just want to wake up rested. Not with lingering traces of emotional distress.
But my waking hours shine. And I love. I can love now.
If only I could put it all to rest.
I've always been a man of closure.
So, Hartford, I know I did some shitty things. Things that might have betrayed my friendships. And I'm sorry. I would've appologized earlier if I thought anyone wanted to listen.
I had learnt from you it was best to pretend nothing happened.
Because, it seems in this world nothing ever happens. Even when everything is happening at once.
I've been such a fool.
I know hardly anyone reads this and those who do will just skim. But for those couple of you (and for the rest) I send you all the love I can.
Because how can we expect to receive positivity unless we put it out there ourselves?
Nat the pessimist, the cynic.
Huh, I've finally become decidedly optimistic.
I'll see you all soon.
It used to be so therapeutic: writing to the mass about my 'deep psychological trauma' as if there were an individual on the other end.
Huh.
There were some.
Individuals that is.
It's just over a month until the anniversary of my leaving Hartford. Remembered this when the season change got me down this weekend. Last change of season that will remind me of the old me.
Wow.
All of it: just wow.
I know I seem inarticulate but I'm hoping this might help cure my incessant insomnia.
For the past while I've had nightmares almost every night...I just want to wake up rested. Not with lingering traces of emotional distress.
But my waking hours shine. And I love. I can love now.
If only I could put it all to rest.
I've always been a man of closure.
So, Hartford, I know I did some shitty things. Things that might have betrayed my friendships. And I'm sorry. I would've appologized earlier if I thought anyone wanted to listen.
I had learnt from you it was best to pretend nothing happened.
Because, it seems in this world nothing ever happens. Even when everything is happening at once.
I've been such a fool.
I know hardly anyone reads this and those who do will just skim. But for those couple of you (and for the rest) I send you all the love I can.
Because how can we expect to receive positivity unless we put it out there ourselves?
Nat the pessimist, the cynic.
Huh, I've finally become decidedly optimistic.
I'll see you all soon.