Like a rock
Me... Darwinistic phenomeon. I leave in 24 hours. I realize that I'm one step closer. I'm not ready to believe that everything's going to be alright yet. You know? Things aren't always what they seem. On the one hand... there's the job outside of Albany. There's three kids, 10, 6 and 2. The mother has cancer and she really needs someone and I would feel like I'm doing something worth while if I go there. Then again, if for some reason that doesn't work out (well... the application doesn't say I'm black and we all know where that can go) there's these people with twin boys in Newburgh. Which means I wouldn't be far away... they would pick me up... I can come home on the weekends. I can keep my friends, my boyfriend. One pays more than the other. I don't have to look for somewhere to live. I have to figure out what to do with Luna.
I'm not rushing into ANYTHING !. I can't. There's so many things that could go wrong. I'm so afraid of being homeless. I'm so afraid of all the things that can just go wrong. I have dreams that everything ends up okay because things have been crazy. Last night, I had a weird dream about a lot of my friends.
::dream sequence::
Setting: a house in Chattam, NY.
I finally receive all my mail and I have four postcards and seven letters from Anne-Marie. I guess she went to Ireland and she had been trying to contact me. (Awful confused by that considering I don't really have a mailing address but whatever.) She's on her way back and Eric and I are in an RV on our way to the airport to pick her up. Yaeger's at work but he's going to meet us when we get back. We pick Anne-Marie up and her hair is long and she dyed it. It looked really, really good. So we pick her up and I guess she went to Ireland because she had been... get this... modeling. No, no... it's not funny that she's modeling just what she was modeling... ready for the punch line. You know those QVC people who model jewelery. I guess she has been modeling necklaces because some guy saw her neck and thought it was fabulous. So I'm having a grand old time laughing at her cause it's funny. (Keeping in mind if this was really happening I would be laughing at her) Anyway, we catch up and I'm a nanny. (I'm on a break from the wonderful kids whom I love.) Eric is doing... whatever. I wasn't paying attention to him because well... I was having girl talk. I don't know. Then all of sudden... I'm being clawed again.
::end dream sequence::
Thank you, Luna for clawing at me at 9:30 in the morning. Loooooving my life right now. I really don't know what to do with her. She's bugging the hell out of Ann and it would probably be in my best interest to get rid of her. I'm feeling awful attached to her so it's going to hurt to say goodbye. It always hurts to say goodbye. Like saying goodbye to my puppies... Capone... who died four years ago yesterday. Right now watching one of my favorite episodes of Will and Grace. Season one, episode 3. When Will is singing "To Be Real" in the bathroom. And favorite quote from this episode:
Will: What are the D batteries for?
Grace: Uhhh... It for my... waterpick.
Will: But you don't have a waterpick.
Grace: Let's just say that I do.
Today is March 29, 2006. Hmmm... It's funny that it's 2006. I was convinced that I was going to get married June 30, 2007. Here it is... a little bit more than a year before that date. I think I'll pass on that. Anyway... a real update I guess. Breakfast would be nice right now. Yeah.
I guess I'll update when I return on Saturday. Who knows? Maybe I'll be employed soon.
Nitta
Stood there boldly
Sweatin’ in the sun
Felt like a million
Felt like number one
The height of summer
I’d never felt that strong
Like a rock
I was eighteen
Didn’t have a care
Working for peanuts
Not a dime to spare
But I was lean and
Solid everywhere
Like a rock
My hands were steady
My eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose
My steps were quick and light
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right
Like a rock
Like a rock, I was strong as I could be
Like a rock, nothin’ ever got to me
Like a rock, I was something to see
Like a rock
And I stood arrow straight
Unencumbered by the weight
Of all these hustlers and their schemes
I stood proud, I stood tall
High above it all
I still believed in my dreams
Twenty years now
Where’d they go?
Twenty years
I don’t know
Sit and I wonder sometimes
Where they’ve gone
And sometimes late at night
When I’m bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin’ a ghostly white
And I recall
Recall
Like a rock. standin’ arrow straight
Like a rock, chargin’ from the gate
Like a rock, carryin’ the weight
Like a rock
Lihe a rock, the sun upon my skin
Like a rock, hard against the wind
Like a rock, I see myself again
Like a rock
I'm not rushing into ANYTHING !. I can't. There's so many things that could go wrong. I'm so afraid of being homeless. I'm so afraid of all the things that can just go wrong. I have dreams that everything ends up okay because things have been crazy. Last night, I had a weird dream about a lot of my friends.
::dream sequence::
Setting: a house in Chattam, NY.
I finally receive all my mail and I have four postcards and seven letters from Anne-Marie. I guess she went to Ireland and she had been trying to contact me. (Awful confused by that considering I don't really have a mailing address but whatever.) She's on her way back and Eric and I are in an RV on our way to the airport to pick her up. Yaeger's at work but he's going to meet us when we get back. We pick Anne-Marie up and her hair is long and she dyed it. It looked really, really good. So we pick her up and I guess she went to Ireland because she had been... get this... modeling. No, no... it's not funny that she's modeling just what she was modeling... ready for the punch line. You know those QVC people who model jewelery. I guess she has been modeling necklaces because some guy saw her neck and thought it was fabulous. So I'm having a grand old time laughing at her cause it's funny. (Keeping in mind if this was really happening I would be laughing at her) Anyway, we catch up and I'm a nanny. (I'm on a break from the wonderful kids whom I love.) Eric is doing... whatever. I wasn't paying attention to him because well... I was having girl talk. I don't know. Then all of sudden... I'm being clawed again.
::end dream sequence::
Thank you, Luna for clawing at me at 9:30 in the morning. Loooooving my life right now. I really don't know what to do with her. She's bugging the hell out of Ann and it would probably be in my best interest to get rid of her. I'm feeling awful attached to her so it's going to hurt to say goodbye. It always hurts to say goodbye. Like saying goodbye to my puppies... Capone... who died four years ago yesterday. Right now watching one of my favorite episodes of Will and Grace. Season one, episode 3. When Will is singing "To Be Real" in the bathroom. And favorite quote from this episode:
Will: What are the D batteries for?
Grace: Uhhh... It for my... waterpick.
Will: But you don't have a waterpick.
Grace: Let's just say that I do.
Today is March 29, 2006. Hmmm... It's funny that it's 2006. I was convinced that I was going to get married June 30, 2007. Here it is... a little bit more than a year before that date. I think I'll pass on that. Anyway... a real update I guess. Breakfast would be nice right now. Yeah.
I guess I'll update when I return on Saturday. Who knows? Maybe I'll be employed soon.
Nitta
Stood there boldly
Sweatin’ in the sun
Felt like a million
Felt like number one
The height of summer
I’d never felt that strong
Like a rock
I was eighteen
Didn’t have a care
Working for peanuts
Not a dime to spare
But I was lean and
Solid everywhere
Like a rock
My hands were steady
My eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose
My steps were quick and light
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right
Like a rock
Like a rock, I was strong as I could be
Like a rock, nothin’ ever got to me
Like a rock, I was something to see
Like a rock
And I stood arrow straight
Unencumbered by the weight
Of all these hustlers and their schemes
I stood proud, I stood tall
High above it all
I still believed in my dreams
Twenty years now
Where’d they go?
Twenty years
I don’t know
Sit and I wonder sometimes
Where they’ve gone
And sometimes late at night
When I’m bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin’ a ghostly white
And I recall
Recall
Like a rock. standin’ arrow straight
Like a rock, chargin’ from the gate
Like a rock, carryin’ the weight
Like a rock
Lihe a rock, the sun upon my skin
Like a rock, hard against the wind
Like a rock, I see myself again
Like a rock