a change
I think this is what I need. The word need, is something I probably have used wrongly. this time, i really do need to use dat word. I am in need for a change. Change outwardly as well as inwardly. change lifestyle wise, change physical wise, change mental wise, and change overall. I am not changing who i am, I am juss adding and deleting aspects of life dat accomadates the purpose of making me happy. This summer has been one big learning experience for me. I guess life sums up that aspect and I guess I completed a sentence in that book called life. lol. looking back i've learned a lot. I've learned about friends, family, situations,lifestyles...and relationships. I've learned I can't wait anymore and I learned that I don't have to wait for him. Alex...was my past and I have always beeen a strong believer in using the past as a reference for the future. It's time for me to move on. To start dating. To actually SEE my friends and live life. I miss my friends, I miss not having a relationship, I miss being happy....I'm torn up inside by the decision I'm making but I know that it is the only way I will heal. It's time to get my life together and it's never too late to start. Time to let that aspect of my past to blurr away..
I need to release suppressed emotions and incoming emotions. i've learned a lot and I wanna put what I learned to test. I wanna try being a "girl". as bad as that sounds it seems that being a "sweet girL" hasn't gotten me anywhere in the relationship aspect nor has it kept me happy. And honestly I don't expect to find the perfect someone nor do i expect to find an exceptional one. I just expect to start dating again. I mean you never know until you try.And I think that aspect is missing from my life. And I feel "even" at heart...something I haven't felt in 3 years...I feel that I don't have to think about my future date 24/7 or go berserks if he's an ass. The greatest thing is that I feel I can NOT get so upset as to not concentrate on my studies. I feel that I can finally have CONTROL over a relationship, even if it lasts one week. I just need to get into the dating pool because thoughts of Alex do not impede in my way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the greatest feeling ON EARTH! I'm not saying I don't love him. I still do, but not to the limit where I am going to restrict myself from dating. Nor from the limit where I feel insecure about myself. Security is one thing I've been working on this summer and I think I feel more secure about myself. Though I probably will always have insecurities, I feel less insecure.
well enough about me, how has everyone been? I haven't talked to anyone in the longest. I guess everyone is pretty much writing their sentences in that book called life. lol. till later. may God bless.
I need to release suppressed emotions and incoming emotions. i've learned a lot and I wanna put what I learned to test. I wanna try being a "girl". as bad as that sounds it seems that being a "sweet girL" hasn't gotten me anywhere in the relationship aspect nor has it kept me happy. And honestly I don't expect to find the perfect someone nor do i expect to find an exceptional one. I just expect to start dating again. I mean you never know until you try.And I think that aspect is missing from my life. And I feel "even" at heart...something I haven't felt in 3 years...I feel that I don't have to think about my future date 24/7 or go berserks if he's an ass. The greatest thing is that I feel I can NOT get so upset as to not concentrate on my studies. I feel that I can finally have CONTROL over a relationship, even if it lasts one week. I just need to get into the dating pool because thoughts of Alex do not impede in my way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the greatest feeling ON EARTH! I'm not saying I don't love him. I still do, but not to the limit where I am going to restrict myself from dating. Nor from the limit where I feel insecure about myself. Security is one thing I've been working on this summer and I think I feel more secure about myself. Though I probably will always have insecurities, I feel less insecure.
well enough about me, how has everyone been? I haven't talked to anyone in the longest. I guess everyone is pretty much writing their sentences in that book called life. lol. till later. may God bless.