Date: behaving differently than with friends
I had a great time. It was serious and silly and sexy and not life altering and at the same time it was a bit.
I am so used to not being able to have what I want that when it is there on offer I'm not sure what to do. We started and ended the meal behaving like friends (I was so nervous thinking "I can still back out", and "all that texting was just fantasy, it wasn't real", and "who am kidding? I'm too old/too straight/too unsure for her"). But the tension and the connection that had been there all week were still there. It was only when I got up to go the the bathroom at the end of the meal and I touched her that all that feeling and longing came to the surface. It actually unbalanced me and I stumbled. She caught me.
I have to learn to be a girlfriend again. And how to be one of many, willingly. I feel a little possessive, but it was clear from the start that she wasn't ever going to be exclusive,and that makes things easier. And harder.
Highlights: sushi, bathroom, walking in the parking lot, sleeping giant, strawberries, belts silver hair. Limits...
Learning to look my date in the eye.
I am so used to not being able to have what I want that when it is there on offer I'm not sure what to do. We started and ended the meal behaving like friends (I was so nervous thinking "I can still back out", and "all that texting was just fantasy, it wasn't real", and "who am kidding? I'm too old/too straight/too unsure for her"). But the tension and the connection that had been there all week were still there. It was only when I got up to go the the bathroom at the end of the meal and I touched her that all that feeling and longing came to the surface. It actually unbalanced me and I stumbled. She caught me.
I have to learn to be a girlfriend again. And how to be one of many, willingly. I feel a little possessive, but it was clear from the start that she wasn't ever going to be exclusive,and that makes things easier. And harder.
Highlights: sushi, bathroom, walking in the parking lot, sleeping giant, strawberries, belts silver hair. Limits...
Learning to look my date in the eye.