What is one thing you've learned from your past?
When my father died, it felt like the whole world came crashing down around me. The one man who ever had to truly unconditionally love me was gone and in his place I only had a cold stepmother who had hated me from the minute she walked into my life and changed it forever. He was so pale, so still dressed in his Armani suit that Sabrina had specifically chosen for him. The one person I could count on was erased and my only cold comfort was Sabrina.
That was when Boone walked in the door and changed my perspective entirely. His crooked smile, his warm shoulder, more expensive liquor poured into tiny china tea cups. He made everything seem like it was going to be okay, because my father was gone but Boone was going to take care of me now. Boone was going to be that one person I could count on.
The first time Boone had to pay off one of my boyfriends it wasn't a scam. Trembling fingers pulling the cellphone free from my purse. I knew that I didn't have to pull out the mirror to examine the blossoming bruise surrounding my left eye. No amount of make-up was ever going to cover that up and at the moment it was the greatest of my worries. Because I knew that I didn't have to worry about whether Boone would come or not.
I knew that he could hear the tremor in my voice, but what was more than that I knew that he couldn't resist it.
I'm not sure when exactly Boone fell in love with me. It's not like I marked it on the calendar. July 25th: my step-brother fell in love with me today. I guess it was just something that I'd always known. Something I'd understood about Boone even before I started wearing training bras. Before I knew that somewhere along the line Boone had appointed himself as my personal savior.
Just like I'd known he would, Boone was on the first flight from L.A. to London to rescue me. As soon as his knuckles hit the front door Mark flew into the worst temper tantrum I remember seeing and that's coming from someone who puts the onus on melodramatic outbursts. He never backed down and in three days time he'd somehow managed to convince Mark to let me go back home with Boone. The entire trip home I kept asking Boone over and over what it was that he'd done but he wouldn't tell me. He wouldn't tell for a whole year until one night he got so drunk on expensive scotch that he rambled for four hours straight. My cellphone pressed to my ear, someone new tucked next to me underneath the covers.
That was when my idea hatched. There wouldn't be any more tear-stained requests to believe in me. Not unless I was shouting it at the top of my lungs in some public location. Now there was only manipulation, because there was no other way to treat a step brother that you couldn't possibly love. Not the way he loved me. From day one I knew that was going to be Boone's downfall.
Brian left. Not that I was surprised. The player got played, right? If I were Boone I'd be laughing my ass off at just how far his manipulating bitch of a sister could fall. He didn't laugh though, there was just the usual sarcastic banter followed by a confession I never thought either one of us could follow through on. It was finally just out there. I understood exactly what I meant to him and he couldn't do a thing about it. By the time I knew that I would use him up until there was nothing left of him it was too late. The damage had already been done. I still can't be sure what things would have been like if the two of us ever had actually reached L.A. I only knew how things were on the island. The cold shoulder, the usual sarcastic banter. It was like everything and nothing had happened between us.
He started to spend all this time with Locke, going hunting except neither of them ever actually brought any boar home with them. I knew it. I knew it from the start that something was wrong but I'd already pushed him too far and he was gone. Then he was really gone. I was off with Sayid and by the time I came back to the caves there was nothing left inside of him.
I wanted to scream, start cutting holes in his chest and dig around just to prove that there had to be something left. Some little part of him that was still alive and that still existed just for me. But he was cold and still and there wasn't any Armani but it felt just as final as my dad's funeral had felt. Except this time Boone couldn't walk into the door and rescue me with his charming smiles and his promises.
I've learned all the things expensive boarding school can teach you, but the one thing I know above everything else?
You can't count on anyone. You're on your own now, Shannon. You always have been.
That was when Boone walked in the door and changed my perspective entirely. His crooked smile, his warm shoulder, more expensive liquor poured into tiny china tea cups. He made everything seem like it was going to be okay, because my father was gone but Boone was going to take care of me now. Boone was going to be that one person I could count on.
The first time Boone had to pay off one of my boyfriends it wasn't a scam. Trembling fingers pulling the cellphone free from my purse. I knew that I didn't have to pull out the mirror to examine the blossoming bruise surrounding my left eye. No amount of make-up was ever going to cover that up and at the moment it was the greatest of my worries. Because I knew that I didn't have to worry about whether Boone would come or not.
I knew that he could hear the tremor in my voice, but what was more than that I knew that he couldn't resist it.
I'm not sure when exactly Boone fell in love with me. It's not like I marked it on the calendar. July 25th: my step-brother fell in love with me today. I guess it was just something that I'd always known. Something I'd understood about Boone even before I started wearing training bras. Before I knew that somewhere along the line Boone had appointed himself as my personal savior.
Just like I'd known he would, Boone was on the first flight from L.A. to London to rescue me. As soon as his knuckles hit the front door Mark flew into the worst temper tantrum I remember seeing and that's coming from someone who puts the onus on melodramatic outbursts. He never backed down and in three days time he'd somehow managed to convince Mark to let me go back home with Boone. The entire trip home I kept asking Boone over and over what it was that he'd done but he wouldn't tell me. He wouldn't tell for a whole year until one night he got so drunk on expensive scotch that he rambled for four hours straight. My cellphone pressed to my ear, someone new tucked next to me underneath the covers.
That was when my idea hatched. There wouldn't be any more tear-stained requests to believe in me. Not unless I was shouting it at the top of my lungs in some public location. Now there was only manipulation, because there was no other way to treat a step brother that you couldn't possibly love. Not the way he loved me. From day one I knew that was going to be Boone's downfall.
Brian left. Not that I was surprised. The player got played, right? If I were Boone I'd be laughing my ass off at just how far his manipulating bitch of a sister could fall. He didn't laugh though, there was just the usual sarcastic banter followed by a confession I never thought either one of us could follow through on. It was finally just out there. I understood exactly what I meant to him and he couldn't do a thing about it. By the time I knew that I would use him up until there was nothing left of him it was too late. The damage had already been done. I still can't be sure what things would have been like if the two of us ever had actually reached L.A. I only knew how things were on the island. The cold shoulder, the usual sarcastic banter. It was like everything and nothing had happened between us.
He started to spend all this time with Locke, going hunting except neither of them ever actually brought any boar home with them. I knew it. I knew it from the start that something was wrong but I'd already pushed him too far and he was gone. Then he was really gone. I was off with Sayid and by the time I came back to the caves there was nothing left inside of him.
I wanted to scream, start cutting holes in his chest and dig around just to prove that there had to be something left. Some little part of him that was still alive and that still existed just for me. But he was cold and still and there wasn't any Armani but it felt just as final as my dad's funeral had felt. Except this time Boone couldn't walk into the door and rescue me with his charming smiles and his promises.
I've learned all the things expensive boarding school can teach you, but the one thing I know above everything else?
You can't count on anyone. You're on your own now, Shannon. You always have been.